“I wanted Ougat to just be straightforward, without any glitter. And I wanted to give a sequence of events, instead of just snippets… even the ugly, but necessary parts,” said Shana Fife. 

‘Ougat’ author Shana Fife. (Photo: Supplied)

Ougat, released by Jonathan Ball Publishers in July, tells Fife’s story: surviving an abusive relationship, moving forward and now trying to balance a corporate life with being a wife and a mother.

Readers who know of Fife’s blog, Into A Housewife, will be familiar with her unapologetic, funny and authentic writing. Fife, a copywriter by trade, started a blog called Just a Hoe… With Babies, which then became Into A Housewife after she married.

“I wasn’t always planning to write a memoir, but Aimee Carelse from Jonathan Ball Publishers approached me and after a meeting with her, I liked the idea that the blog posts about my life — which women have told me resonated with them and their own experiences — could be on a larger platform,” she said.

Fife’s memoir provokes a rollercoaster of emotions — it’s funny, relatable and jaw-clenching, especially when she talks about her relationship with Lyle, the father of one of her children and an abusive man, and his subsequent death. 

Since its release in July, the book has had positive responses, largely from the Facebook community which formed around her blog. When asked if she was surprised to see the reaction, she said: “I am. I am also very, very grateful. Both for the fact that people are interested in my story, and that so many women have contacted me to just tell me they feel seen… thank you for the support. I love seeing everyone tagging me in their pics and stories of Ougat”. 

Read an extract of Ougat here: Ougat: From a hoe into a housewife and then some.

How different is the book from her blog? 

“I think the surface stories and actual happenings were the same, but in Ougat I spoke more of my opinions on the matters, and my thoughts at the time,” she said, adding: “In my blog and on Facebook, I tell the full truth, but sometimes tone it down to be more palatable — not the event, but the amount I share, and I add jokes and use poetic licence.”

“I wanted Ougat to just be straightforward, without any glitter. And I wanted to give a sequence of events, instead of just snippets. Even the ugly but necessary parts,” said Fife. 

But amid the waves of emotions while reading the book — she committed the ultimate sin in a coloured family of falling pregnant before the age of 21, the birth of her children, the death of her abuser and finally, moving forward in her career — it is clear the book is about her relationships: with her husband, her father who died recently, her son, her mother, her daughters and the women at her work who supported her when she was depressed. 

“I think the way women of colour are raised to secretly compete with each other in a toxic, jealous way, is very important. I also really wanted to emphasise that we don’t warn each other about the dangers, or even just the negative emotions that come with womanhood and being in relationships with men who were raised in a patriarchal system,” she said. 

Has she reflected on her blog and the relationships she’s had? “I have. And I know that the women were just following the rules they were taught, both outright and subliminally… much like I did for the first part of my life.”

“Now, I have the luxury of navigating old and new relationships from a perspective that takes all aspects of being human into consideration… I am less likely to be hurt by how people behave and more able to understand why they behave that way — and then decide which relationships I find worth pursuing, or which ones I respectfully exit or decline,” she said. 

When asked what advice she would like to leave her readers with, Fife said: “I am not better than anyone who is still living in abuse or somehow miraculously healed. I also don’t hold all the answers and they should do what feels right for them, in the stage of their life where they are.”

Now that she has written a book, will she continue the blog? 

“Yes, I have plans to keep blogging. I still post every few weeks directly to my Into A Housewife page, but the pandemic, work, parenting has made juggling things a bit trickier.” 

Fife’s heart lies in her blog: “That audience really did save my life, in the most sincere, least corniest way… they held me accountable when I wanted to slip back into my chaos.” DM