As the South African holiday shut-down season approaches, it feels like an appropriate time to ask ourselves whether we’re making the best of our time off, and if not, what we can do differently.
Holidays are meant to be a time off from work to rest and relax, yet many people reach the end of their treasured two- or three-week break feeling more exhausted than when it started. Why does this happen, and how can we prevent this from becoming a recurring pattern in our lives?
Annual leave is a result of the many battles by labour movements demanding health, dignity and fairness in the workplace. Its purpose is simple but profound: we need to rest well, so that we can perform at maximum capacity while minimising potential mistakes. Annual leave, much like an eight-hour workday, allows us to maintain a healthy work-life balance and enhances our physical and mental wellbeing.
Our employers pay us 100% of our salary while we’re on leave to enable us to give 100% when we return to work. We’re essentially paid to rest and relax, improve our overall mental and physical health, reduce stress, prevent burnout and strengthen our general long-term wellness. We owe it to our loved ones, our employers and most importantly, ourselves to holiday properly and not overwork or stress in other ways while we’re supposed to be resting.
Resting is a physical thing
Resting is physical. It is about stopping, doing nothing, sleeping more, sitting quietly and being still. Good sleep is integral to proper rest, and we must get the basics right: a comfortable bed, a quiet environment and darkness. Many of us visit family or friends, where we’re exposed to conditions that don’t enhance sleep. We need to safeguard the important aspects of a good night’s rest and not compromise on them.
There are many deterrents to good sleep, and most are manageable. Environmentally, ensure that the room temperature is between 18 and 20 degrees Celsius and that fresh air can circulate. Although sleeping with pets can be emotionally comforting, they can be distracting and cause uncomfortable or broken sleep. Reduce noise during the night; if need be, sleep with earplugs.
Psychological factors that can affect sleep negatively include going to bed emotionally upset and ruminating – that looping thought process that won’t allow us to switch off. Try not to go to bed upset. If you can, talk it out before bed. But, attempting to resolve issues while angry, can lead to things being said that cannot be un-said, potentially causing long-term relationship damage. If you’re too emotional to talk, try journalling to process your feelings and organise your thoughts. You can even use the empty-chair technique: sit in front of an empty chair and say what’s on your mind. Your brain doesn’t register that no one is there, making it a safe way to clear your head.
To stop ruminating, try one or a combination of the following:
- Give it a name: Acknowledge what’s happening and label it. This helps the brain categorise the experience;
- Grounding: Shift from the cranial (brain) into the somatic (body). Do the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Sit quietly and focus on five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and end with one you can taste;
- Stop asking “why”: “Why” is problem orientated. Rather ask “how can I move on” or “what can I do next” to move into solution mode;
- Commit to a “worry window”: Choose a dedicated time later to reflect on the issue, instead of losing sleep about it; and
- “Thought dump”: For a short time, write about your situation, without concern for grammar or spelling. It works well to get the noise out of your head.
Other helpful strategies include:
- Gentle movement: Stand with your feet shoulder with apart and gently swing your body. It breaks the mental loop;
- Breathing: Try box breathing (four counts in, hold for four, four counts out and hold for four) or 4-7-8 breathing (breathe in for four counts, hold for seven and breathe out for eight);
- Nervous system reset. Do some alternate nostril breathing by closing one nostril with your thumb and breathe in deeply and intensely through the open nostril. Open the closed nostril, close the other one with your index finger and breathe out strongly. Now breathe in through the open one, close it and exhale through the newly opened one. Repeat three to five times;
- Chanting: Inhale deeply and chant “om” at the lowest frequency for as long as you can; and
- HALTS: Ensure that you’re not hungry, angry, lonely, tired or stressed. Being HALTS agitates your nervous system, which is not conducive to sleep.
Caffeine, alcohol, heavy evening meals and using any technology an hour before bedtime can affect your sleep. Create a regular sleep routine so your body gets to know the signs that you’re switching off. Avoid exercising before bed and limit afternoon naps to 20 or 40 minutes, but not longer than an hour.
Relaxing is a mental thing
Relaxing is mental. It gives your mind a break. Relaxation is gentle and feeds your soul. Some basic examples are listening to music, taking leisurely strolls, reading, spending time with emotionally safe people and engaging in hobbies.
Some barriers to relaxation include:
- Over-planning: You don’t need to be on a schedule every minute. Take things slower and allow space for spontaneity;
- Over-executing: Turning simple tasks into massive missions. Trying to do things perfectly, when good enough is sufficient. Over-working, over-preparing, spending too much energy on unnecessary things and not delegating or asking for help. We’re spending time with family and friends, people who love and care for us and should accept us in relaxed mode;
- Rushing: Plan while in work-mode to smooth execution. Online shopping is an excellent way to fight the last-minute rush;
- Financial worry: Overspending is an enemy of relaxing. Spend wisely and intentionally; and
- People-pleasing: Saying yes when you need to say no. A date with yourself is a date; don’t cancel things you’ve planned for yourself in favour of someone or something which may turn out to be less relaxing.
Listen to your body. Slow down. Avoid diaries and rigid schedules. Sleep longer if you need to and when you get the opportunity. Move your body as nourishment, not as punishment.
Allow yourself to be bored. Boredom is known to improve creativity, reduce stress levels, encourage intrinsic motivation, support mental clarity and enhance self-awareness.
Family, other people and emotional safety
Holidays often involve other humans, and that’s where things can get tricky. We can choose our parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” state), by limiting exposure to emotional triggers, such as a critical mother or pretentious sister-in-law. Try not to spend a week staying with your parents if your alcoholic father activates your sympathetic (fight and flight) response. If you must see people who trigger you, engage for short periods, then withdraw and re-engage only once calm again.
“No” is a full sentence, you don’t have to justify your boundaries. Show up authentically. Being someone you’re not is exhausting and wearing masks is hard work. It’s difficult to be authentic in work mode, so allow yourself the luxury of authenticity on holiday.
Work mode vs holiday mode
Ideally, we should do things differently on holiday than we do at work.
At work, it’s all about to-do-lists, planning, preparation and informed decision-making. We’re plugged into technology with constant alerts and reminders. On holiday, we don’t have to overplan. Vague ideas of what we want to do are enough. If we don’t get to everything, there are rarely consequences. Switch off work notifications, you don’t need them while resting.
At work, we need knowledge, routine and meetings. Away from work, we can explore new places at our own pace, engage meaningfully with others and live reflectively instead of measuring ourselves against key performance indicators. We can care for ourselves as we see fit, gathering memories and escape the constant demands of workplace expectations.
Finally
Holidays should restore us, not drain us. When we rest deeply, relax intentionally and honour our boundaries, we can return to work, rested, relaxed, healthier, lighter, and more grounded.
Our holiday doesn’t need to be perfect, but it needs to be ours to enjoy and savour. DM
Freddie van Rensburg is a specialist wellness counsellor (ASCHP), addiction counsellor (BAPSA), and recovery coach, as well an author of two books.