For a split second, those of us who surfed backyard rebellion on a wave of Black Sabbath in the 1970s might have thought lead singer Ozzy Osbourne was looking rather well in a video clip that went viral. This came after a 10-hour, sold-out “big farewell concert” that was held in Birmingham, England, last week.
Back in the 1970s, just the name of the band sent shivers down establishment spines, as did the skulls and the occult imagery. For a generation of white working-class kids in the UK, it was the noise of it all that drowned out other noise.
In conservative South Africa, Black Sabbath was regarded as being as threatening as the children’s book Black Beauty (mistakenly banned by a censor with an overactive imagination) and the black majority in general.
Seen as the progenitors of early heavy metal, Black Sabbath brought with it also the anarchist behaviour of the genre’s unruly stars hellbent on trashing their bodies and brains in the process.
It is remarkable – considering the quantities of alcohol and drugs, tobacco and food laced with preservatives and sugar that some of these old metalheads and rockers consumed – that they are still alive. No doubt preserved in their own juices, like Mick Jagger.
Ozzy is 76 going on eternity at present. It turns out the video was an avatar of him generated by artificial intelligence. AI breathed more life into the geriatric, delinquent rocker-turned-celebrity and family man role model than Ozzy himself might have done. That’s why he looked so good.
His daughter Kelly, whom we all came to know in one of the first celebrity reality TV shows, The Osbournes, shared on Instagram: “So, there’s this video going around on social media, and it’s supposed to be my dad, but it’s AI. He’s not dying. Yes, he has Parkinson’s, and yes, his mobility is completely different than it used to be, but he’s not dying. What is wrong with you?”
Summer of Sabbath
At the concert on 5 July, seated in a black leather armchair adorned with a looming bat, Ozzy was joined on stage by Bill Ward on drums, Geezer Butler on bass and Tony Iommi on guitar. With dyed hair and pale as a tapeworm, dressed-in-black Ozzy drank it all in.
The four members of The Sabbath have been granted the freedom of Birmingham, and the city has been doing a “Summer of Sabbath” campaign, lasting throughout the tourism season.
Several other metal bands, such as Alice in Chains, Rival Sons, Anthrax and Mastodon, played to the capacity 40,000, whiter-shade-of-Ozzy crowd, who reportedly queued up all day for the beer. Naturally.
Michael Hann, describing the event in The Guardian, noted that “after Slayer – which is like listening to road works, take that as a compliment or not – Guns N’ Roses patrol the stage as if they own it, opening with Sabbath’s Never Say Die, with Axl Rose on surprisingly good voice”.
Then came the king
Ozzy has insisted that this would be the final concert “on stage”, although he is not dying, you understand, only sitting down for a while.
Behind the king was the queen and business brain, Sharon Osbourne, with her Ozempic mask, plumped up by plastic surgery, teeth like tombstones and as white as the cliffs of Dover, still by his side, interpreting the slur.
The ‘beyond 27’ club
If you make it past the age of 27 as a famous singer or musician, then chances are you’ll live as long as Ozzy and be as happy.
The Osbournes gave us a glimpse into their home life in their mansion back in 2002, where the dogs crapped on the carpets and the kids had free rein of the fame and fortune. They paved the way for the Kardashians, and the Western world has never been the same since.
At a dinner party years ago, as two women adopting children, my partner and I were asked which celebrity heterosexual couple we thought were contemporary role models. You know, like Bill and Hillary Clinton, Jacob Zuma and his wives, Steve Hofmeyer and…
Without hesitation we chorused: “The Osbournes.” DM
This story first appeared in our weekly Daily Maverick 168 newspaper, which is available countrywide for R35.
