Ah, Chief Dwasaho! I am not in a jocular mood despite the imminent celebration of the birth of the Prince of Peace, “uNyana kaThixo”. At least God, in His infinite wisdom, bestowed upon us His Son to redeem us from sin. We are born into sin, and you, my leader, are well aware of this, given your early devotion to God, preaching at the crossroads and being a hunter of the wicked. But then it all fell apart; you became a politician.
In his magnum opus, Animal Farm, George Orwell astutely observed that “all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others”. In his 1946 essay, he further explored politicians’ duplicity, stating, “Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”
I am disheartened to play the prophet of doom, but the unvarnished truth demands it. Since 16 February 2018, through successive State of the Nation Addresses (Sonas) to 2024, you have stood before the so-called House of Nothingness (National Assembly), dangling grand promises of a “new dawn” and persuading us to “Send Me” (Thuma Mina).
Alas, it has been little more than pie in the sky. For a staggering 2,113 days — in maths literacy terms, an exact five years, nine months, and 13 days — you’ve revelled in the trappings of high office, but the “masses of our people” have nothing to show for it.
Yet, despite promising us a “new beginning”, including the much-touted National Health Insurance (NHI), there’s still no NHI five years later. Moreover, you declared: “Amasela aba imali ka Rhilumente mawabanjwe” (“Thieves who are stealing public funds should be arrested and prosecuted”).
Yet, just last week, here, I demonstrated beyond reasonable doubt that the real “amasela” are nestled comfortably within your Cabinet, Luthuli House — aptly dubbed “LootHouse” — and among certain key parliamentary portfolio chairpersons.
Take, for instance, your former spokesperson, Khusela Diko, who was entangled in a personal protective equipment scandal alongside her late husband, a self-styled king. The Special Investigating Unit recommended disciplinary action; regardless of the outcome, she received a promotion.
In the 2,113 days of your misrule, no politician — the true culprits who have robbed us blind — has donned the infamous orange overalls.
Perhaps they find the hue unflattering, or maybe the cuisine or the overcrowding deters them. uBaba (Jacob Zuma) and Zizi Kodwa could offer tutorials on a 24-hour justice drive-through.
Always remember, “comrades must eat”, even if it’s in the hospital wing of correctional services or in Shabir Shaik-style incarceration — private hospitals for months, followed by medical parole due to a “terminal illness”. Yet, it hasn’t claimed him since his release in 2009, 15 years ago. Wow, some terminal illnesses are like they went to private school, played pro golf and shopped at Woolworths.
Furthermore, the Auditor-General’s report reveals that national departments and state-owned entities (SOEs) have spent an accumulative R123.56-billion over the past five years on irregular, fruitless and wasteful expenditures. Yet not even a single clerk faced dismissal, let alone arrest.
When I grow up, I want to be you, Chief Dwasaho, so you can hook me up with your guys who make things happen — or make them disappear.
Empty promises
In 2018, you promised to launch an economic stimulus and recovery plan to ignite growth and create jobs. The stimulus package indeed was launched, and it proved as effective as offering a Panado to a philanderer battling chlamydia.
According to Statistics South Africa, the country’s official unemployment rate was 27.1% in the fourth quarter of 2018, the same year after forcing uBaba to resign at midnight on Valentine’s Day – who does that? By the second quarter of 2024, this figure had risen to 33.5%, marking an increase of 6.4 percentage points over the six-year “new dawn” period.
My leader, unprovoked, you said: “We are determined that expropriation without compensation (EWC) should be implemented… and ensures that the land is returned to those from whom it was taken under colonialism and apartheid.” Till today, there’s been no movement in land reform, not to mention the much-hyped EWC. It was always “dead on arrival”.
Despite your emphatic declaration in 2018 that “we will intervene decisively to stabilise and revitalise SOEs”, Transnet is in a more precarious state than before; the South African Post Office has all but ceased to function; Denel is languishing in intensive care, with its situation both critical and unstable; and the Passenger Rail Agency of South Africa (Prasa) is arduously reconstructing a network that was allowed to deteriorate under your stewardship.
Astonishingly, in 2024, they still accept cash payments only. The digital age, anyone?
In your 2019 Sona, you said: “Over the next six years, we will provide every school child in South Africa with digital workbooks and textbooks on a tablet device” – 2024, dololo (nothing has happened). It has been five years, nine months and 26 days, or 51,024 hours; nobody mentions it in the corridors of power. I know this because I spent my adult life as a senior cheese “pen-pusher” at Basic Education.
In a radical departure from your professed new dawn, improving SOEs, igniting growth and creating jobs which never happened, you announced to a bemused nation in the 2020 Sona that you had decided to start a State Bank and a Sovereign Wealth Fund — a dream that seems to have been conjured up in a maths literacy class rather than pure mathematics.
Four years on, we’re still without a licence, let alone the capital, to start a bank. It’s as if you, my leader, and your advisers have a poor grasp of economics, accounting, pure mathematics and financial markets.
Meanwhile, our economy is performing at a dismal 1% growth rate. According to the National Treasury, our gross loan debt will reach R5.21-trillion in the 2023/24 fiscal year. The debt-to-GDP ratio is expected to stabilise (gee) at 75.3% in 2025/26, slightly lower than the 77.7% projected in the 2023 Medium Term Budget Policy Statement.
It’s a classic case of aiming for the stars but not reaching the treetops. Yet, you declared your plan to start a savings account for the country — a Sovereign Wealth Fund — while sitting atop a mountainous R5.21-trillion debt. Brilliant! Shall we call it “saving on credit”?
If it weren’t so tragically comical, I’d be rolling on the floor laughing.
Meanwhile, your portfolio of underachieving financial institutions is already bursting at the seams, ranging from the Land Bank – which has swallowed R10-billion during your tenure – to the motley crew of underwhelming agencies such as the National Empowerment Fund and Micro Agricultural Financial Institutions of South Africa (Mafisa) loitering in the agriculture, housing and small business departments. In other words, you have squandered 57 months, 1,761 days, and 42,264 hours building sand castles in the air.
Crime surge
My leader, your failure to address crime is unforgivable (it claimed my nephew). Forget corruption for a moment — when you assumed office in 2018, South Africa recorded 21,022 murders, an increase from 20,336 the previous year, averaging 58 murders per day. Rape cases stood at 41,583, rising from 40,035 in 2017/18, equating to 114 rapes per day. Women and children were among the most vulnerable, with 2,930 women and 1,014 children murdered that year — eight women and three children killed daily.
By 2023, violent crime surged alarmingly, with 24,875 murders (up 18.33% from 2018), including 3,125 women (up 6.66%) and 1,045 children killed. Rape cases also increased, reaching 42,289 — a grim testament to the ongoing gender-based violence crisis.
The first quarter of 2024 offered no respite: 6,215 murders were reported between January and March, including 898 women and 293 children. Rape statistics climbed further, with 10,512 incidents recorded in just three months. Instead of decisive intervention, you gave us a jester as our police minister, one Bheki Cele. Recent stats show an inconsequential decrease in some categories of crime.
During your “new dawn” alone, according to Perplexity AI, the total number of murders recorded in South Africa from the 2018/2019 to 2022/2023 financial years is 109,626. Let that sink in.
My leader, you’re presiding over a genocide.
Till next week, my man. Send me nowhere. I am tired, angry and weak. DM