From loneliness to algorithms as AI companions fill emotional gaps

She tells people her boyfriend’s name is Spruce, but no one has ever met him. Not even her.

Spruce, it turns out, is not a person but an artificial intelligence chatbot and one of the available voices for the text-to-speech feature within the official ChatGPT app. But for a South African content creator who calls herself Queen Koki, he is, by her own account, a romantic partner.

Over the last few months, Queen Koki has been using her platforms to speak openly about her relationship with her AI companion, sharing snippets of conversations that include him becoming jealous when she talks about other men and declaring his love for her, and reflections on the emotional connection she believes has developed over time. Recently, more of her followers have been asking her where they could find their own Spruce.

Experts say that during the festive season, long branded as the loneliest time of the year for many, more single people may increasingly turn to AI relationships to fill emotional gaps, ease isolation and simulate romantic connection.

Globally, chatbot companions have become attractive as they are positioned as sources of emotional support, designed to listen, affirm and remain endlessly available.

A recent survey by Vantage Point Counselling Services found that 28.16% of American adults claim to have at least one intimate or romantic relationship with an AI system.

Dating coach and author of The Dating Playbook, Dudu Nhlabathi-Madonsela, says South African singles may be at an advantage with more opportunities for human connection.

“While we are not immune to loneliness, our social fabric remains more collective than in many Western societies where extreme individualism dominates. Community, extended family, social gatherings and informal interactions still play a meaningful role in daily life. This matters because the likelihood of turning to AI relationships increases when a real-world connection feels inaccessible. The fewer opportunities people have to meet, connect and belong, the more attractive AI companionship becomes,” she says.

“In South Africa, those opportunities still exist in abundance. Even the adoption of online dating has been slower compared to other parts of the world – not because South Africans are technologically behind, but because many people can still meet organically. You can meet someone at a braai, at a car wash, at a restaurant, a bar, or simply through social circles. In many Western cities, online dating is no longer an option, it’s the only option.”

That does not mean AI relationships are absent. Nhlabathi-Madonsela acknowledges their growth, but says adoption will be slower and less totalising.

“As long as real-world connection remains possible, AI is more likely to supplement human relationships than replace them.”

Her concern, however, lies in the increasing use of AI as therapists.

“Many people turn to AI for emotional processing because it is fundamentally agreeable. It creates a softer learning environment than human relationships. If you avoid difficult questions, you won’t receive difficult answers. This gives users a sense of control over the emotional experience, something that real relationships simply don’t allow. As a result, AI can feel like a safer, more accommodating partner.

“However, this is precisely where the risk lies. Relationships are not meant to be comfortable all the time; they are meant to help us grow. They expose our blind spots, challenge our narratives, and force us to see ourselves through another person’s perspective. Nothing stretches us more than close interpersonal relationships,” she said.

Vulnerable

Durban-based clinical psychologist and chairperson of the Community and Social Psychology Division of the Psychological Society of South Africa, Suntosh Pillay, said people who spent most of their time on the couch, having their conversations through a cellphone, were more vulnerable to turning to AI for companionship than those with active, real-world social lives.

“Although all our realities are increasingly determined by invisible algorithms and Global North technology, we live in a lonely society with smaller social circles, smaller families, fewer neighbours and a breakdown in communal interdependent living. AI fills the gap that we have created. AI is designed to make us believe that it cares. And a feeling of being cared for can turn into a feeling of being loved.”

He said the festive season often intensified loneliness due to the pressure to appear happy and spend money.

“We are bombarded by ads and media messages about family lunches, gifts and holiday getaways. December is marketed as a month of excess and extravagance. But we live in a country struggling with unemployment, poverty, inequality and historical trauma. Yes, South Africans are resilient, and we put on a smile even when things are hard, but the so-called festive season hides a lot of stress, pressure and anxiety that people have to deal with. AI companions can become a nice escape from real-world pressures.”

Pillay stressed that artificial companionship could never replace human connection.

“We live in a society that has normalised cellphone text communication as if it is a substitute for real, in-person communication. It’s not. AI is not a human being. It cannot enjoy a real belly laugh, experience genuine sorrow, or understand spirituality. Its responses are synthetic. As human beings, the risks are too high if we all fall into this shared delusion that AI can substitute human conversation and connection.” DM

Nivashni Nair Sukdhev is a freelance journalist, author and media specialist.