Wallaby windup master Nic White will face Boks after retiring for six days

Nic White, the mouthy Wallaby scrumhalf, doesn’t appear to hold too many records in the gold jersey of Australia. He’s not the most capped scrumhalf to play for Australia, he hasn’t scored the most tries, wasn’t the youngest to make his debut or the oldest to play for his country.

But he might just have set a record for the shortest retirement in international rugby history, which lasted less than a week.

Last Thursday (31 July), before the dead-rubber third Test between the Wallabies and British & Irish Lions in Sydney, White said it would be his final Test.

After a 12-year Test career in which he amassed 73 caps and even more enemies with his over-the-top shithousery, he declared it was time to move on.

He was given a standing ovation when he departed the fray at the Olympic Stadium against the Lions after a typically niggly display in which he did what he has always done best — get under the skin of the opposition.

The Wallabies won 22-12, due in no small part to White’s contribution, which largely consisted of chirping, pushing players off the ball, arguing with the ref and generally being a nuisance.

Yet, exactly a week later, White was named in the 35-man Wallaby touring squad to South Africa for the opening fortnight of the 2025 Rugby Championship.

Considering he would have made his decision at least 24 hours before coach Joe Schmidt made his squad public, it probably puts White’s retirement at about six days. Good going.

It might be the shortest retirement in professional sports. NFL legend Tom Brady was officially retired for 40 days in 2022.

Pantomime villain

White’s decision to play on comes from an obvious desire to help his team and his country. And probably from a deep love of driving opponents batty.

Regular scrumhalf Jake Gordon is injured and couldn’t make the squad, leaving Tate McDermott as the only scrumhalf with Test experience available to Schmidt.

Considering who the Wallabies are up against, White was persuaded to help out a little longer while Gordon recovers. It appears to be a selfless act on White’s part and will no doubt add to the Springboks’ to-do list.

Bok coach Rassie Erasmus and the bulk of the players know White and understand what to expect, but he does test opponents’ patience and self-control.

He has an especially complicated relationship with the Boks. White barely survived a brutal brush with his Breaker Morant-era moustache against the Boks a few years ago.

Faf de Klerk clipped White’s facial hairs with the violence of a feather falling from a nest, and the Wallaby halfback went down like he’d been punched by Dricus du Plessis.

Many South Africans wished he had actually been punched by the UFC world champion after that pantomime.

That act of skulduggery earned De Klerk a yellow card and White a tonne of online vitriol. He deserved criticism for his unsavoury gamesmanship, but as ever with social media trolls, the abuse went way over the top and ended up involving White’s family.

Disruptor

It hasn’t stopped White from living up to his reputation as a disruptor, though. He was at it non-stop against the Lions last week, and it worked. The tourists were increasingly flustered by White and his cohorts.

It helped that White had the giant lock Will Skelton as a sort of on-field bouncer to protect him from increasingly exasperated Lions. To be fair, though, White isn’t afraid to fend for himself if he needs to. Just don’t touch his moustache, that’s his kryptonite.

White’s lippy nature is in keeping with the scrumhalf stereotype, but he takes it to another level.

It’s served him well, though, and probably masked the limitations in his game. He doesn’t have the greatest pass or kicking game; he isn’t the most gifted athlete, and he doesn’t have the best vision. But he knows how to stir, and in a sport as emotional as rugby, that has value.

White might have been less cavalier about his personal safety if he played rugby in a different era where instant justice was usually delivered during the game.

But in the professional era, where consequences for foul play are massive, White has used the laws to his advantage. In so doing, he has infuriated a generation of “enforcers” who can do more than offer a token shove or expletive.

(Watch Nic White’s antics in one video