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SATIRICALLY SPEAKING

There is no corruption in the ANC, Lord Fikile the Mbalusional reassures the nation

There is no corruption in the ANC, Lord Fikile the Mbalusional reassures the nation
Transport Minister Fikile Mbalula briefs the media after an inspection of a Prasa train that was involved in a collision on June 05, 2019 in Pretoria, South Africa. (Photo by Gallo Images/Daily Sun/Morapedi Mashashe)

Dear fans of ‘The South Africa Show’, we have now reached Stage 10 Mbalusion — welcome to the real ‘Upside Down’.

Before we get into our review of the February episode of the hottest show on Mzansi screens right now, The South Africa Show, please join me in congratulating the hardworking writers who have given us the gift of this fictional country, on finally achieving greylisted status.

There aren’t many shows whose writing is so true-to-life that the very real global money laundering and terrorist financing watchdog, the Financial Action Task Force (FATF), would put the show’s fictional country on its grey list, thereby verifying the authenticity of the show’s portrayal of a corrupt government’s spectacular incompetence in fighting money laundering and terrorist financing.

This puts the series right up there with some of the continent’s most exciting shows, shows that have similarly earned the FATF’s coveted grey verification badge: The Mozambique Show, The Nigeria Show, The DRC Show and The South Sudan Show, to name a few. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again for the doubtful, TIA.

Somebody please crack open a six-pack of that Ramaphoria lager because, WOW!

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Still, this undoubtedly well-earned accolade wasn’t even the most exciting thing about The South Africa Show during the month of love. Remember the hot zaddy who ran the country’s main electricity company? The guy with sinus problems who resigned this past December?

The man has seriously underrated potential to become a very successful influencer for a shampoo and conditioner line. Me, I already have a few campaign slogans in mind if any hair product companies are picking up what I’m putting down and thinking of getting a copywriter for this: “Got a little zaddy in you?” or maybe, “Electrify me zaddy,” or perhaps, “Shed your load on me zaddy.” Just sayin’, if there ever was a sugar zaddy worth investing in and making nightly use of R80,000 knee guards for, Zaddy Andy is it.

Anyway, this character gave a mind-blowing interview where he accused the country’s ministers of corruption and basically using the energy company as a feeding trough. I know, shocking stuff! I too would have never suspected that there’d be widespread corruption in the show’s government, were it not for the greylisting and the junk status and the State Capture and the frequent political assassinations and class-leading unemployment and the poverty and the findings of the Zondo Commission and the load shedding and the many ex-cons who seem to find their way back into governance.

Hence, I can totally relate to the sentiments expressed by one of the show’s characters, Lord Fikile the Mbalusional, who, while seemingly reading his written response to Zaddy Andy’s accusations for the first time and, like us, trying to make sense of the words on the paper he had been handed, seemed completely taken aback by the corruption accusations.

“We also reject his unfortunate, irresponsible, and baseless claims of alleged political meddling and corruption at the embattled power utility,” Lord Fikile read, in a spectacular display of the Mbalusion he is known and loved for.

 

Zaddy Andy is trying to shift the blame from his own shortcomings, Lord Fikile told the people. This got me thinking that it is entirely possible, that this continued load shedding could be the zaddy’s fault. From time to time I have wondered if he might be wasting the country’s megawatts on some industrial-strength blow dryer. Seriously, have you seen the man’s hair? I’ve just about broken my brain trying to figure out a scenario in which zaddy is to blame for the country’s situation, and this makes the most sense. I’ve discussed this with my greyhounds, who also love the show, and I think they agree. I’m taking them to the pet psychic next week and hopefully she can clarify their thoughts on this matter.

Anyway, if indeed zaddy’s accusations are true, thankfully, the wise Lord Fikile took a major step that will surely stop all those who might want to participate, or perhaps are already participating in corruption. Looking up from his iPad Pro, almost resembling an actual real-life leader, he uttered: “We equally say, hands off Eskom, particularly by corrupt individuals.”

I’m sure, dear reader that, just like me, these words gave you great comfort; finally, in 10 simple words, the great Lord Fikile had done away with corruption, achieving what the fictional country’s president once pretended he wanted to do. Praise be. 

But don’t take off your resilience socks just yet, there’s more! A few seconds later, the generous Lord Fikile reached for peak Mbalusion, otherwise known as Stage 10 Mbalusion; a state of Mbalusion so Mbalusional, I believe one day it will be honoured with the George Santos Lifetime Achievement award for the performing arts: “The ANC does not support corruption. The ANC is not corrupt. The ANC will not protect corrupt individuals,” the Mbalusional one said with a round-ish straight face.

Finally, once and for all, it is settled: the load shedding, the poverty, the unemployment, the assassinations, and even the greylisting are all a result of the ANC’s really clean, really corruption-free governance. 

This show is truly amazing. So meta it’ll make you question everything you think you know, even logic itself. Stranger Things’ “Upside Down” could never! I, for one, am living for it!!! 

And to think we haven’t even touched on the events that befell AK-47 enthusiast, Instagram influencer, and vice-queen of the lands below Devil’s Peak, Lady Phakeng the benevolent. But there simply isn’t enough time, dear reader, nor enough backup battery power as life imitates art and this writer awaits the return of the electricity supply in Stage 6 darkness. Next time. DM/ML

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Comments - Please in order to comment.

  • w11 says:

    Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf aka “Baghdad Bob”, Iraq’s denier-in-chief during the 2003 invasion of Iraq, would be proud of our Botshabelo Bob.

  • virginia crawford says:

    Hilarious!

  • Carol Stewart says:

    I actually felt the earth shake as everyone fell over laughing when he declared the ANC uncorruptable

    • Jimbo Smith says:

      A truly gifted “genious” who clearly has a disconnect between the first word and the last in any sentence. Right up with there with Mantashe and the insane gift of being able to torture truth and logic.

  • Reg Bray says:

    Aaag, what a load of horse scat from Lord Razzmatazz!
    Can you believe this dude? EISH, ‘wahlanya boetie’. What really razzles me is that he actually thinks the ‘average South African’ falls for this scat? Please anc, we are not idiots. We’ve had nearly 30 years of your nonsense and you think we cannot see it. The evidence is all around…. ESKOM, SA POST OFFICE, SA HEALTH DEPARTMENT, TRANSNET, PORTNET, SAA, METRORAIL, DENEL (Armscor), SA EDUCATION SYSTEM, SAPS…. Shall I continue? From the above list one can extract a few crucial elements relevant to basic human existence (simple Maslow), which are glaringly under threat. You undermine our intelligence, like a snake, that of a meerkat. ‘Jou vabond, wag, ek sal jou kry’… you and all your cadres will all get your ‘high noon at the ok corral’…. Let’s see how your ’cry’ of lack of evidence stacks up….. Ooooo SHAME RAZZMATAZZ!

  • Philip Mirkin says:

    Thanks for making me laugh Malibongwe, and helping to lift this heavy weight from me.

  • Caroline de Braganza says:

    I was feeling low yesterday but your latest episode of The South African Show helped me find my funny wings and fly again.

  • What's Happening says:

    Great stuff. Suddenly the world I’m living in almost makes sense.

  • Jennifer Hughes says:

    Malibongwe, you’re my absolute favourite. Somehow you make me laugh when all I want to do is cry.

  • Joe Soap says:

    Oh dear does this mean we throw away the 5500 + pages of the State capture commission report and pretend it all did not happen, while being in the dark and without water for unknown reasons.

  • elorac.ret says:

    After I finished laughing, I realised how embarrassed I am and have always been, by this clown.

  • Dou Pienaar says:

    I will say it once again ‘when the clown goes to the Castle he does not become a King, the Castle becomes a Circus!

  • Kanu Sukha says:

    Mali … you forgot to give credit to the once unflappable Jamanadas, who is singing off the same hymn sheet as Mbalusional ! Imagine if Kader (not cadre) had still been around ?

  • Petrus Kleinhans says:

    I challenge the honorable Fiki to produce a comparative summary of the financial fitness of each of the parastatals as of 1994 and as of 2023. He must show us the upward curve produced by the corruption-fighting army of ANC cadres. Come on Fiki let’s hear you.

    The ANC supports vrotness, the ANC is vrot, and the ANC will never root out vrotness.

  • Jimbo Smith says:

    Let’s not for a second forget that he was Min of Transport & look no further than the state of collapse of Transnet & our ports. Catastrophic failure & yet he is elevated to obe of the top positions in the ANC. How is this possible? There is simply no logical explanation other than these hopeless “politicians” are beyond caring about the carnage they are collectively inflicting on this country.

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