AB de Villiers is the nicest guy in world cricket. Even when the press corps are frothing at the mouth, he will politely greet and he always has time for a chat. But, just like that advert from yonks ago where a gentleman takes issue with somebody describing his car as nice, it’s not really a word you want attached to the captain of a professional team

A cup of tea is a nice. A captain? He should be a proper bastard.

In the aftermath of South Africa’s embarrassing exit from the Champion’s Trophy over the weekend, De Villiers insisted that he’s staying put. When asked in the press conference why he wants to continue doing the job of captain, he was nice about it.

“Because I’m a good captain. And I can take this team forward. I can take us to win a World Cup, I believe. And I believed the same thing over here in this tournament and the last one, but that’s what I believe. I love doing it,” De Villiers said.

You get the impression that even if cricket required the captain to be chastised with ten thousand paper cuts, rolled in vinegar and then shoved into a nettle bush, De Villiers would say he likes doing it.

Because that’s just the kind of guy De Villiers is. He rarely – if ever – criticises his team publicly. After South Africa engineered a way to lose to Pakistan earlier in the tournament, De Villiers refused to publicly scold his charges for their failures.

Even in the aftermath of the disaster that was Sunday’s exit, he said he believes South Africa is “close” to winning a major trophy.

Oh, AB.

For once, please, just be a little bit of an arsehole?

What happened on Sunday deserved a public flogging. Most players in the team would be willing to admit that themselves. Faf du Plessis, he of the giant cahoonies, admitted as much by simply saying: “South Africa don’t deserve to be in the semis.”

While not exactly a public flogging, when a cup of tea is captain, this is essentially a shot of Stroh Rum.

But reports from the press in England covering the tournament suggest all might not be so nice with the skipper. Some have reports have suggested that there has been a certain edginess to De Villiers in his engagements pre-match.

That there is some tension is hardly a surprise. De Villiers is under tremendous pressure – not just because of his form, but because of his decision to seemingly pick and choose the matches he wants to participate in.

De Villiers alone cannot be held accountable for this. Cricket South Africa should not allow players – no matter how good they are – to treat tours as an advertising buffet for his bat sponsor. It sets a bad precedent and creates disharmony – both within the camp and from the fans.

But even if someone were to argue that De Villiers is just so good that he should be allowed to do whatever the hell he pleases, there are questions over his captaincy he cannot escape.

Throughout this tournament, there has been enough evidence to suggest that tactically, De Villiers is either not focussed on the task at hand or not listening to his lieutenants. Bowling changes and decisions have at best been questionable and at worse dumbfounding.

While most of us ordinary folks who haven’t even played in an Action Cricket League – never mind a professional team – cannot possibly understand the pressures these players are under, those who have been in these set-ups have on numerous occasions shared the same view.

Whenever De Villiers does something so utterly astounding with the bat in hand, there is always the joke that there seems to be nothing the man can’t do. Since he entered this world, he has been a phenomenal sportsman. If he wasn’t a professional cricketer, he almost certainly would have been a professional rugby player who moonlighted with a hockey stick. And if all that failed, perhaps he would have had a niche Afrikaans music career doing all sorts of funny things with a stethoscope and guitars.

Turns out, though, there is one thing that De Villiers can’t do. That’s captain. No matter how nice he wants to be about it.

This doesn’t change that he’s a very, very, very good cricket player. If only he’d focus on being just that. DM

Photo: AB de Villiers during the 2017 CSA Departure press conference at OR Tambo International Airport on 16 May 2017 ©Aubrey KgakatsiBackpagePix