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While you were sleeping: 1 April 2016

While you were sleeping: 1 April 2016
By John Stupart
01 Apr 2016
0

Bomb blast in Turkey kills 7, Trump to enlarge his tiny hands, and Azarenka through to Miami finals.

“I doubt he’s read this book, as small as it is.”

–  Julius Malema, speaking of Jacob Zuma while holding a copy of the Constitution.

Story of the Day
Nkandla Judgment: The Mastery of the Concourt vs The Invincibility of Jacob Zuma 
Has destiny finally caught up with the consummate Teflon Man? Many words have been tossed about in the wake of Thursday’s devastating Constitutional Court judgment on the Public Protector’s report on Nkandla. Recall, impeach, remove, resign – all considered possibilities now that the highest court in the land found that President Jacob Zuma’s conduct was illegal and in violation of the Constitution. But Zuma will not simply surrender. He is still holding an ace card and could drag the ANC down with him. By RANJENI MUNUSAMY.

While you were sleeping
Bombing in Turkey kills seven
A remotely detonated car bomb has killed seven police officers and wounded at least 27 more. The bomb exploded in Diyarbakir. In response, a besieged President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said the world would see the “true face of terror” in Turkey.
Read More
Trump to get a helping hand
The Orange Menace will soon undergo a dual hand-enlargement procedure. This is in response to nasty words flung his way by ‘Little’ Marco Rubio. By insulting Trump’s hands, the bronzed one clearly feels the need to regain lost inches on his hands, and thus psychologically expel the demons plaguing his lack of metacarpal girth.
Read More 

US offers Ukraine security aid
The United States has offered Ukraine $335 million in security aid. This is in addition to a third loan guarantee of $1 billion. Ukraine is battling crippling corruption internally as well as a Russian-backed rebellion in the east.
Read More

Azarenka through to finals
Victoria Azarenka has defeated Angelique Kerber 6-2, 7-5 to advance to the ATP Miami Open finals. Azarenka will face Svetlana Kuznetsova on Saturday. The professionals have split results in their eight previous showdowns.

In Numbers
14.6344
The low point of the dollar’s strength against the rand. This was at roughly midday, following the ConCourt announcement on Jacob Zuma and the National Assembly.

Facts of the Day
Today is April Fool’s Day. Believe nothing. Trust only your eyes.

Fact of the day: Some hotels use radio frequency identification (RFID) chips to track stolen towels. Think twice next time you’re considering pinching one on holiday.

Weather & Financial Data
BFN: min: 16° max: 31°, cloudy
CPT: min: 15° max: 21°, rainy
DBN: min: 22° max: 31°, cloudy
EL: min: 20° max: 24°, rainy
JHB: min: 12° max: 29°, cloudy
KIM: min: 17° max: 32°, sunny
NLP: min: 17° max: 33°, sunny
PMB: min: 13° max 30°, cloudy
PKN: min: 13° max: 30°, sunny
PE: min: 18° max: 23°, cloudy
PTA: min: 15° max: 29°, cloudy
Oil=$39.58 Gold=$1,233.68 Platinum=$976.95
R/$=14.69 R/€=16.73 R/£=21.15 $/€=1.13
JSE All Share=52,250.28 DJIA=17,732.21 FTSE 100=6,174.90 Source

Now on Daily Maverick
FEATURES
 

Photo: South Africa's President Jacob Zuma gestures as he addresses an African National Congress (ANC) policy meeting in Midrand, north of Johannesburg, June 29, 2012. REUTERS/Siphiwe Sibeko Nkandla Judgment: The Mastery of the Concourt vs The Invincibility of Jacob Zuma
By Ranjeni Munusamy
Photo: Opposition EFF party leader Julius Malema (R) addresses the media following the Constitutional Court's finding that South African President Jacob Zuma had broken the countries constitution, in Johannesburg, South Africa, 31 March 2016. EPA/KIM LUDBROOK Trainspotter: King Con Court — Malema emerges victorious
By Richard Poplak
aprils-fools-2016-ver-03.jpg Cancelled: April Fools’ Day 2016
By Daily Maverick
Photo: President Jacob Zuma's residence in Nkandla in KwaZulu-Natal on Sunday, 4 November 2012 as seen from the road that was blocked by ANC supporters, who did not want Democratic Alliance leader Helen Zille to inspect Zuma's homestead. Picture: Giordano Stolley/SAPA Politicians say the darndest things: The Nkandla quotathon
By Marelise van der Merwe
Photo: A file photograph dated 06 August 2015 shows South African president Jacob Zuma reacts whilst answering questions from opposition parties in parliament, Cape Town, 06 August 2015. EPA/NIC BOTHMA Analysis: The Judgment at the end of the Nkandla Road
By Stephen Grootes
Photo: President Jacob Zuma arrives to give his Sate of the Nation address at the opening session of Parliament in Cape Town, South Africa, 11 February 2016. EPA/MIKE HUTCHINGS/POOL The ConCourt has ruled on Nkandla: What Now for Parliament?
By Marianne Merten
Photos: An ANC truck in Mangaung, 2012; Chief Justice Mogoeng Mogoeng (Greg Nicolson) Nkandla ConCourt ruling: President Zuma and National Assembly in breach of Constitution
By Marianne Thamm
grootest-on-thuli-striking-back-mightily(1).jpg Nkandla ConCourt ruling: Thuli Madonsela vindicated, calls for Hawks to call off criminal investigation
By Marianne Thamm
Photo: Speaker of the National Assembly Baleka Mbete (R) and and National Assembly Deputy Speaker Lechesa Tsenoli field questions from journalists at a news conference at Parliament on Friday, 14 November 2014. Picture: Nardus Engelbrecht/SAPA Nkandla ruling: ConCourt slams National Assembly
By Marianne Merten
Photo: A picture made available on 22 April 2015 of a football goal at a beach in front of the skyline of Doha, Qatar, 21 April 2015. Qatar will host the 2022 FIFA World Cup. EPA/KARL-JOSEF HILDENBRAND Qatar World Cup 2022: The painful price of scoring a job on a stadium site
By Greg Nicolson
Main photo: Angry residents destroy illegal alcohol in Molo, Kenya. (Njeri Kimani) Like their deadly product, Kenya’s illegal boozers go from strength to strength
By Njeri Kimani
Photo by Peter Gordon via Flickr. Why are we less tolerant of boxing injuries than in other sports?
By Antoinette Muller
Microsoft employee, Gillian Pennington, demonstrated the Microsoft HoloLens augmented reality (AR) viewer during the 2016 Microsoft Build Developer Conference on 30 March 2016 in San Francisco, California. The Microsoft Build Developer Conference runs until April 1. Justin Sullivan/Getty Images/AFP While you were sleeping: 31 March 2016
By John Stupart

OPINIONS

Pierre de vos Concourt’s Nkandla judgment: What the law says
By Pierre de Vos
Judith-February.jpg The Sacred Pact is dishonoured: But will the Sword of Damocles fall?
By Judith February
ayabonga-cawe-new.jpg The Peasants Revolt, 2.0: Will we listen to the Wild Coast voices this time?
By Ayabonga Cawe
Andrew-Gasnolar.jpg We must protect the Constitution: Nobody is above it
By Andrew Ihsaan Gasnolar
Gallery

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