Women have a legacy of suffering the generational trauma of continuing to “give and give and give,” only to be let down when they expect the world to eventually heal them in return — the world is not wired that way. 

This is according to Verlaine-Diane Soobroydoo, director for leadership engagement and partnerships at Women Political Leaders. She is an international women’s rights activist who previously worked in negotiations for UN Women and the United Nations.  

Soobroydoo authored a book published in 2021, Unbound: Twitter thoughts for the heart and mind, a collection of tweets, poetry and prose reflecting on her healing journey throughout her mental health challenges. 

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“I owed it to myself as a woman to heal myself, and only I could do it,” said Soobroydoo. “So I committed and I did it.” 

Stepping away 

Daily Maverick journalist Onke Ngcuka prompted Soobroydoo about how she was able to transition from “dealing with intense negotiations at the UN level” to “stepping away from that world and focusing internally”. 

Soobroydoo described how she worked on high-pressure matters surrounding international peace, security and women’s rights. She would often sit down with victims of terrorist groups who had lost their legs, for example. 

“It does something to you. It impacts your spirit and something shifts within you.” 

Her work was very meaningful to her, she emphasised, but everything in her life started to feel like a negotiation. It became about the numbers, goals and achievements, and along the way, she lost touch with her identity. 

“We often remove the humanity from our work,” said Soobroydoo. “This implants a belief system that may not be yours. Extract yourself from it because it becomes entrapped in the core of who you are.” 

The “stillness” of the Covid-19 pandemic saved her, along with many others, she said, allowing her the time to self-reflect on her depression, discover what was hurting her and put into action what needed to change in her life. 

Writing was a form of processing and healing for her in a paper medium, she said. Likewise, she documented her journey through a collection of tweets to “craft a space that is inclusive, open and safe, because that’s what I needed and what others needed”. 

“Healing alone is the first step, and healing as a collective is the necessary next step.” 

Mental health struggles are not about weakness – but wilfully ignoring somebody’s pain is

In the Daily Maverick webinar, Ngcuka asked Soobroydoo about the many points of advice within her book to overcome mental health struggles: “In a world that tells us how to be, shifts what we want and says we always have to want more, how do you shut out the noise?”

Soobroydoo emphasised that before you can shut out the noise from the outside, you must first shut out the “voices from within”. 

“As women, we have to be very careful about the environment we find ourselves in. We need to control it as much as we can,” she said. 

This includes the people you surround yourself with, the music you listen to, the television you watch and the social media posts you scroll through — it all impacts what Soobroydoo calls “internal atmosphere”. 

She is intentional in filtering the narratives she subscribes to and the lyrics she listens to because they can subconsciously become part of your belief system, she said. She does not own a TV and limits her daily screen time to one hour. 

“Mute on social media and mute in real life, too,” she said.  

Choosing positive influences that nurture you and build you up is essential in order to be strong enough to face the outside world. Focusing on your own life and not comparing yourself to others is critical, she said. 

“I will not let anyone with dirty feet walk through my mind,” she added as a metaphor. 

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#Reminder: when things go low, do not go with them  

Soobroydoo said this in a tweet last year, Ngcuka added, which stuck with her. 

An audience member asked: “How do you cope when you experience problems one after the other?” 

Soobroydoo responded: “Be still, breathe through it and try to understand what is happening.” 

When you get closer to your dreams and life achievements, that’s when you will be tested with the most challenges in life, she said.  

“Stop and ask yourself: Do I need to move? Do I need to change? Do I need to let go?” 

Be strong enough to make the decision to let go, she said, including people that no longer fit in your life. 

“It takes courage to say: I love you, but you cannot walk in my next chapter,” she said. 

Ngcuka agreed that there is immense power in letting go, in being still in a busy world. 

Soobroydoo recommended taking the time to recharge at home, meditate, journal and breathe, to come to terms with the fact that “life has cycles and we play different roles in each”. She added that she writes down what she is grateful for every morning as a way to practice positivity. 

“Your brain … You have to train it.” 

What is the most important thing you want your readers to take away? 

“Know that you will be okay,” Soobroydoo responded. “At the end of pain is a door to a new beginning.” 

She described the beautiful feeling of feeling whole again after living with depression, with pain “sitting at the bottom of her stomach” for so long.

She said she is now in the position as a woman to know what is good for her and what isn’t — she now has clarity. 

She moves differently, feels differently and thinks differently in the world, she said. 

“My hope came from the strength of the little girl I was at 10 years old,” she said. “I owed it to her.” DM