On 27 July 2021, I received the phone call I dreaded receiving, the one that would change my life drastically and forever. 

I felt heartbroken and alone; my entire world had been destroyed. The fear of losing my father, my Papa, my best friend and my rock in times of trouble, had been traumatising. Now, the fear had become a reality. 

I had never felt so empty and lost in my life. It felt as if there was no purpose or reason for me to continue living without my Papa. But, before he passed away after battling Covid-19, he left many life lessons for me to admire and to follow as I progress in life.

When I was growing up, I had always compared myself to others. Being extremely insecure about my weight, my main worry in life was how others viewed me. When I woke up every morning he would remind me of how beautiful I was. He once said: “Be the best version of the beautiful Kirsten you are and know how worthy you are.” These words have stuck with me throughout my life. Every time I think about the times he said them to me, it gives me back my confidence.

Once, I went through challenging times in my life and my Papa told me: “My child, don’t ever give up… Even when life throws massive curveballs into your journey, keep moving forward and remember that hard work pays off.”

Making my school’s netball first team was my biggest goal in life; but only weeks after I reached this goal, I was dropped to the second team. After many crying sessions, giving up netball was all I could think about. I then remembered what my Papa had said and from that day on, I decided to practise my shooting every day so I could work my way up and hopefully make the first team again.

Kirsten is on the right of her father; her sister Jenna stands on the left. Image: Kirsten Pillay / Supplied

Kirsten’s grandmother, Georgina Pillay, is centre; next to her is Jenna, her sister. Her father’s partner, Ashley Fourie, is far right. Image: Kirsten Pillay / Supplied

My Papa always put the Lord first. My Confirmation took place before Covid-19 and in his speech to me he said: “Always remain faithful to the Lord and stay true to your confirmation vows.” After my father’s death, I have felt extremely mad, upset and agitated with God. After not attending many church services, I decided to listen to what my Papa said and I started praying and attending church services again. This showed me that everyone deserves a second chance, whether they have been forgiven or not.

Another lesson from my Papa was: “Be kind to others the way you want others to be kind to you.” To put this into practice, we started a charity called “Kirsten Cares”. The V&A Waterfront donated R40,000 towards school clothing and stationery for a school in Genadendal. Seeing the tears and smiles on the children’s faces brought so much happiness into my life. I remain dedicated to doing good for others.

Not a day goes by that I do not miss my Papa. I miss his encouraging motivational talks, his hugs, his jokes, but especially – him. Losing him was the biggest curveball life has thrown at me. There were times when I did not want to wake up, but every day I do so knowing that he takes up the biggest place in my heart and I want to continue making him the “proud Papa” that he was when he was with us. DM/ML

Lessons from My Father is a series of interviews and stories collected and written by Steve Anderson. Anderson has been a high school teacher for 32 years, 26 of them at two schools in East London and the past six at a school in Cape Town where he heads up the Wellness and Development Department and teaches English and Life Orientation. Throughout his career he has had an interest in the part fathers play in the lives of their children. He says: “This series is not about holding up those who are featured as being ‘The Perfect Father’. It is simply a collection of stories, each told by a son or daughter whose life was, or whose life has been in some way, positively impacted by their father… And it doesn’t take away the significant part played by mothering figures in the shaping of their children. Theirs are the stories of another series!

In case you missed it, also read My dad was from a different world, but was close to me in ways that cannot be expressed

My dad was from a different world, but was close to me in ways that cannot be expressed

Visit Daily Maverick’s home page for more news, analysis and investigations