South Africa is not a parable, but in many ways it is a country divided, a country that has not embraced or subscribed to a sense of “personhood” or a sense of society.

South Africa can in some ways be described as the tale of two cities, the tale of inequality, the tale of promise, the tale of reconciliation, the tale of Mandela, Biko, Sisulu, the South Africa of Hani, the place of great leaders, and also as the tale of people shouting at each other refusing to move from their polarised viewpoints.

South Africa embodies the multitudes, but it is also struggling to create the space for meaningful conversations and dialogue, which move us forward, and not simply into a space of frustration.

The issues which divide us play out in different ways; we see it in the xenophobic attacks (which are often denied to have been xenophobic), and often in the racist attacks (which are sometimes explained away as misunderstandings). We experience it in all the small and sometimes tragic ways.

On 8 January 2008, former President Thabo Mbeki, in his State of the Nation address quoted from the Charles Dickens’s novel A Tale of Two Cities, alluding to the difficulties we faced as a country, and he closed his speech with the following words of reassurance:

I am certain that South Africans are capable and geared to meet the challenge of history – to strain every sinew of our being – to respond to the national challenges of the day … and seize the opportunities …

The challenge of our time is that these experiences and difficulties are not some distant, almost forgotten, memory, but rather a lived experience of many South Africans.

Spending any time online, or on social media, or on any news website, provides a microcosm of that experience. The intensity, animosity, aggression and prejudice that layers that space is often overwhelming, and the cowardice displayed by many is another illustration of how polarised and entrenched many people are in their views.

The debate that we should be having is around how we shape the future of South Africa, but this is drowned out by the loud voices that often spew forth hatred under the guise of freedom of expression.

We see the bold and brave voices of people like Dr Siona O’Connell, a UCT lecturer, who dared to speak about the lack of transformation at her university, and she was drowned out by over 800 e-mails of hate and prejudice. The running commentary of hatred, and the refusal to accept her concern, is all that we have received in response.

Those who wish to silence us and make our story something less, something that can be wished away, are all around us, but it is important that we confront them maturely.

The debate around prejudice and race is not going to simply go away. It is layered in our experiences; it is highlighted whenever the normative structure of society is challenged by the entry of those that do not conform to that normative structure.

Race is pervasive and the South African context has always been highly sensitive to it. The very notion that I would identity myself as a black South African is something that troubles some people, and I have even been told that I need to choose my “colour”.

The fact that people perceive others by the pigmentation of their skin is troubling, but the normative structure of society goes even further, as it makes their views, their opinions and their contribution compromised and requires explanation or justification.

The “othering” plays out in workplaces across South Africa and we are often advised that in order to pursue a particular career trajectory we need to ensure that we align ourselves with the right sort of ‘person of colour’.

On Friday, I encountered a South African who believed that I was firstly obsessed with racism/prejudice/white dominance, and secondly that this was troubling as we have “real” problems, and thirdly that my obsession (and people like me) had created the impression with some South Africans that they were not welcome and that they “should look to Perth”.

This is not a unique response, unfortunately. The need to be welcomed has played out recently when fellow South Africans had to remind Zelda la Grange that “othering” has no place when this is your home, and that you are not supposed to be welcomed in your own home.

Despite the colour of my skin or my pigmentation, I am able to engage in more than issues of racism or prejudice. I can equally be concerned about the state of South Africa, the inequality, the corruption, the crime, the economy, and I am able to care deeply about these issues and sometimes do so all at the same time.

It would be easy to pretend that the lived experiences are obsessions; that the prejudice we encounter is manufactured or even isolated, but to do so would negate the fact that we are a country struggling to coexist.

The frustration and impatience is becoming more and more evident, and will become more apparent as we approach times of difficulty or strife. The upcoming 2016 elections may create tidal pools of expectation and disappointment, reminding us that we aren’t doing enough for those who need our help the most.

The broader conversation about “personhood”, or how to embrace the idea of a vibrant society is not happening, while we tackle and manage our outrage.

The dullness of our conversations result in bruised feelings, silencing and often a great deal of added hatred, which is couched under the guise of freedom of speech and opinion.

The issue cannot simply be intellectually dismissed or explained away because these are highly emotive issues but we should try to begin a meaningful conversation, not about winning the argument or winning the moral fight but rather about trying to find the common ground, which eludes us, all too frequently.

Recently, Patricia de Lille, mayor of Cape Town, after the recent spate of racists’ attacks, has decided to embark on “race dialogues” in the city. The space has not been defined yet, and it will be interesting to see what these dialogues will be and what the objectives will be after the conversation has ended. However, these conversations acknowledge the reality of many South Africans, but on their own these spaces are not enough.

We need to use all the levers in our society to begin the change, we need to rally together from the politicians, business leaders, civic leaders and everyday South Africans – we need to strain every sinew of our being to begin the broader conversation of who we are and to begin to forge ahead with aligned values.

South Africa and its people are indeed ready for the challenge.

We were able to overcome the oppression of colonialism, slavery and Apartheid. The road ahead of us is not easy, but we must respond to the challenge if we are ever to rise. DM