New beginnings, necessary endings and having the wisdom to leave at the right time

As the year gradually gets going, I’ve been reflecting a lot on new beginnings and the inevitable endings that often go hand in hand as one enters a phase of rebirth and renewal.

Knowing when it’s the right time to leave is one of the greatest things one can master, particularly when your dignity might be at stake. In my twenties, I struggled with this, whether it be relationships that were more of a drain than nourishing, or jobs that did not align with my value system.

And yes, I was also one of those who didn’t want to leave the party even when the lights were turned on and the music switched off.

When things start to feel ill-fitting, when you have a pervasive sense of unease, when you start to feel at odds with everything and everyone around you, it’s time.

When others start to drift away, when you get that pit-in-your-stomach feeling and the jokes and camaraderie dry up, it’s time. When you start to see your performance drop (something the ANC should take particular note of), it’s time.

I got much better at recognising this in my thirties, as I gradually understood that leaving at the right time was about the preservation of self and probably a good way of ensuring that you do not find yourself in precarious situations that do not serve you.

There really is no need for things to come to a “bitter end”, as they say, which happens when one overstays one’s welcome. The trouble with a “bitter end”, too, is that it is the lasting impression you will leave behind. People will forget the great colleague, friend or partner you have been at your best. But they will most certainly remember your sour parting shot.

So this is why it’s important to have a growth mindset that plans for the future and accepts that things do not stay the same forever. And they shouldn’t, because that is called stagnation.

Read the room

It’s important to “read the room” and know when you have done all you can. Similarly, you should be able to recognise when you are clinging on to something that has long passed its expiration date, and to let it go with grace and an open heart.

Fear of the unknown once a chapter closes is a frequent contributor to people not leaving at the right time. We see this often with sportspeople who have dedicated their lives to being top-achieving athletes and shaped their identity around it.

The same applies to people in positions of immense power, such as founders of organisations, presidents and politicians. The hesitation comes from having been central figures for so long that it becomes difficult to think of navigating the world without their titles and corresponding personas.

The best thing to do, however, is to learn the art of letting go before you are pushed. Doing so is actually more freeing because then the decision-making process is based on clarity and intent, as opposed to being knee-jerk and reactive.

As renowned American fashion columnist and editor Diana Vreeland once said: “The best time to leave a party is when the party’s just beginning. There’s no drink that kills except the drink that you didn’t want to take, as the saying goes, and there’s no hour that kills except the hour you stayed after you wanted to go home.”

And now that I’m in my forties, I can attest that truer words have never been spoken. DM

Zukiswa Pikoli is Daily Maverick’s managing editor for Maverick Citizen and news.

This story first appeared in our weekly DM168 newspaper, available countrywide for R35.