First published in the Daily Maverick 168 weekly newspaper.

No flooding in the bayous and swimming to safety in alligator-infested waters. No tornadoes throwing around cows from the fields in Kansas and no sprinting from the lava that’s hot on your heels from a volcanic eruption in Hawaii. So I feel fairly safe from these.

I don’t know a lot about tsunamis except that they’re caused by shifting of tectonic plates at the bottom of the ocean (I think). Nothing shook me to my core more than the tsunami in Thailand. THE tsunami.

I mean, what do you do in a situation like that? You can’t drive away, you can’t bop along doing the doggy. And you definitely cannot outrun it.

The only relatively reasonable-yet-irrational option I can think of is to climb and climb high. But who knows where? You’d have to find a building that’s tall enough, secure enough and tough enough to withstand the tirade of the tide while the top stays untouched even if some of the bottom of the building is gutted by the sheer force of the massive wave. Also, I’m not that fast a climber. And I don’t trust that modern buildings are made of strong stuff.

The other thing that’s constantly reminding of this fear is that I live a mere 200m away from the ocean. I don’t know if tsunamis have a habit of brewing in the Atlantic but, if they do, we’re screwed and I think about it all the time.

I have to admit though, that among the natural disasters, one I never, ever thought about was the threat of a fire. There are always fires on Table Mountain – often caused by human negligence so I don’t know if they altogether classify as a natural disaster. And, while the ocean is in front of us, Lion’s Head is right behind us, so we’re basically caught between a rock and a wet place.

This past week was the first time I started to fret about the fire that hit Rhodes Memorial, UCT and then Devil’s Peak, the suburb where people were evacuated. We’re a distance from Devil’s Peak but as I made my way to my tennis game, I neared Green Point and started to inhale smoke. The court was covered with small but visible amounts of ash and, as the wind started changing direction from the City Bowl toward Sea Point, famously the most windless place in Cape Town, I started to panic.

Every time I served from the side of the court that faces the mountain, I noticed the smog move a bit more toward us. Once I had breathed in enough smoke, I huffed and puffed my way back to my flat.

At home I sat on the edge of my seat and opened Twitter for updates. Sea Point was not under threat but I did come across a post that listed everything to pack in case anyone was asked to evacuate in an emergency.

I packed immediately. I am not a nervous, dramatic, fret-over-things kind of person but perhaps having a family has changed me. I managed to fit all the listed items into one backpack – sweaters, masks, nappies, wipes, socks (I learnt this from Forrest Gump, where Captain Dan says you should always have an extra pair of dry socks), and all our important documents. I had no idea how I would get my cat to wear a wet mask – it took him 10 months to get used to his collar – but I knew he was coming with us, even if I had to run his entire body in cold water before we left.

I’m sitting in a plane on the way to Joburg as I write this. Normally I’d use that backpack when travelling. But just in case my family needs to exit left, that bag is still packed, ready and very close to the door.

*Takes deep breath. DM168

This story first appeared in our weekly Daily Maverick 168 newspaper which is available for free to Pick n Pay Smart Shoppers at these Pick n Pay stores.