First published in the Daily Maverick 168 weekly newspaper.

There’s this inherent gene all women have when we’re born – an inherent skill. I don’t really think it’s that handy when we’re little kids, or even teenagers, but then again, I remember almost nothing of great importance regarding those years, except the crypt where all my bad report cards went to decompose so, who knows? This gene, this … gift is called multitasking.

In adulthood, multitasking means we can brush our teeth and pack a bag at the same time. Cook a meal or write a book while cleaning and changing the toilet paper. If we really wanted, we could take out the rubbish while solving for x in a very complicated word sum that requires a whiteboard. This last example is something I cannot do, however, because even when I am not taking out the rubbish and a mathematical word problem asks me if the train leaves the station at 9am and moves at 100km per hour, at what time will it reach a town four hours away while slowing down for 20 minutes between, my answer is always going to be eggplant.

But believe me, there are many women out there who can actually do these things.

I’ve got the previous examples (bar trash and math) down pat. Some of my other skills include listening to music while working, asking Siri to send emails while in traffic, taking lengthy smoke breaks while planning entire production notes for episodes in my head before I even write them down, and packing my shoe cupboard while getting changed after a shower, or arranging my T-shirts according to their colours while doing a job interview.

Like I said, multitasking is a gift. You will often find many people bragging about it. In fact, in recent times, being able to multitask has even become a bit of a TikTok trend and feeds are filled with funny videos of comparisons between men and women and how much better women are at implementing this talent. Now I know these comparisons fall into old stereotypes and gender norms but that’s a bore to analyse right now and I’m not here to talk about that. I want to share a truth with you that no woman will ever share – that although being able to multitask has its benefits, it is also a bit of a curse.

Many a scientific article or a simple Google search will define multitasking as the ability to perform many assignments at the same time. Great. So we are always on a mission. Or rather, many missions. We have very little ability to lose concentration, and distractions can simply be ignored because we’re just busy, busy, busy. Busy with the news. Busy with our kids. Busy with educating men. Busy being mansplained to. All while doing other very, very important things at the same time, and it is not cool. It is not something to boast about. What it is, is a massive disability and a pain in the arse.

Multitasking may be described as efficiency. It is not. It is deficiency. And what I really want to master is the art of doing absolutely fokol while brushing my teeth and then synergising with some really crappy TV with zero other distraction. No loo paper. No work. No saving the world. And zero balls in the air.

I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want to perform multiple things at the same time and I don’t want to execute activities and tasks simultaneously. I don’t constantly want to manage many missions all at once. If I did, I would join the army. (Granted, this would be good for my body but not so good for my mind.) And, if I wanted this many balls in the air with the ability to keep them all up, I would join the damn circus, but god, I hate being on the road.

Disclosure: This column was written in the car while the author drove to a psychiatrist’s appointment. She is currently undergoing intensive therapy to unlearn multitasking behaviour and teach her how to accept the fact that she has a disability. The author is halfway through her therapy and a few steps closer to doing absolutely nothing while her world falls apart a bit, like a normal person. DM168

This story first appeared in our weekly Daily Maverick 168 newspaper which is available for free to Pick n Pay Smart Shoppers at these Pick n Pay stores.