We all have our prejudices and preconceived notions of those who do not look or sound like us and it becomes particularly glaring for me in the week when we, as South Africans, celebrate Heritage Day.

Heritage is important. It tells the story of where we come from and it should be able to help us navigate our way to where we want to be.

But, in our attempt to identify our heritage, we often end up focusing on the things that make us different as opposed to the things we have in common.

Our heritage is inextricably linked to our culture and identity. It could lay the framework for liberation, but it could also lead to stigmatisation and prejudice because of the narrow definitions attached to the three: heritage, identity and culture.

Identity should be about what makes you unique, but quite often identity is used to put people into boxes which are associated, in a limited manner, with certain cultural and other behaviours.

For instance, when people look at me, they might see a man who is of a certain age and a certain skin colour. Based on that, they will make assumptions about what I should be interested in, and it could have to do with anything, from the kind of food I am supposed to like to the kind of music I am supposed to listen to.

Years ago, when I worked at Newspaper House in Durban, I remember going to the staff canteen and noticing that they had three lunch offerings: one with fish and salad (which, I learnt from canteen staff, was meant for whites); one with curry and rice (aimed at Indians); and one with meat and pap (meant for Africans).

Of course, I confused the canteen staff (and they were not to blame because they were merely following orders) when I ordered meat and pap. The woman behind the counter told me politely, “that is not meant for you”.

I asked what was meant for me and she said I should try the fish and salad. She assumed that I would be most comfortable with the meal meant for whites. She had no idea how much I love curries and would have preferred for her to recommend that I have that instead. But I stuck to the meat and pap.

I like music, and always have, but I have no real preference for any one genre of music. What I listen to depends on my mood. Sometimes I like classical or jazz or hip hop or R&B. Sometimes I listen to rock. Most of the time I like local music, irrespective of whether it originated in Soweto or on the Cape Flats. I even enjoy listening to gospel music from time to time.

But I grew up on the Cape Flats and have strong memories of listening to singers like Elvis Presley and Cliff Richard, the young Michael Jackson and Donny Osmond. I also remember, as a youngster, listening to artists such as Richard Jon Smith, Lionel Petersen, The Rockets, Margaret Singana, Harare and others.

At some point, I lived across the road from the house where a minstrel troupe would practise, so I learned the words to all the moppies and other songs they sang. Sometimes, I can still hear these moppies in my head and find myself singing along silently.

Growing up on the Cape Flats also meant that there was always a blurring of religious activity and affiliation. All my friends, Muslims and Christians, attended Muslim school and Sunday school, and we learned to sing the songs they sang at Muslim prayer services and in church.

All of this impacted on the identity that I would develop and taking bits from each of these experiences, whether it be in terms of food, music or other activities, has made me a better person, I believe. It is difficult to box me because of my being exposed to so many different experiences.

Identity is not only about the way you look or sound. It is about much more. It is about what finds resonance inside you. So, if I want to eat pap and meat and listen to ghoema music one day; and eat curry while listening to hip hop the next day, it should be fine. No one should be restricted in their choices because people might have bestowed a certain identity on them.

Identity can play itself out in various ways and sometimes it is possible for different parts of your identity to conflict with other parts. Identity can be based on politics, culture, social issues, the environment, language and many more. There is no rule that says that one should only stick to one identity.

For instance, I could describe myself as a man, as black, as a father and grandfather, as a journalist and a former editor, as a political being, as someone who is fascinated by race and diversity, as an expired activist, as a couch potato sports fan, as someone who grew up Afrikaans but took a conscious decision to speak English, as a failed golfer, as a bad Scrabble player, as an average guitar player, etc. All of these things, and more, are part of my identity and could define me sometimes but not all the time.

Of course, it is possible that anyone who looks at me might come up with a completely different set of identity markers. That is their right, just like it is my right to choose the identity markers with which I feel comfortable.

Culture is something that can sometimes be used in a negative way, especially in a country with a troubled history such as South Africa. Culture, often used in tandem with tradition, often refers to those things which are unique to certain groups. The problem quite often happens if you dissociate yourself from some of these cultural features, despite sharing some characteristics with a certain group.

Quite often, cultural identity gets morphed with other identities. For instance, just because you share a cultural identity with someone does not necessarily mean you share a political identity.

Heritage, in some ways, is the ability to sift through all of this and to look for the beautiful things that we would like to preserve. But heritage should go beyond this and should go beyond personal identity and culture. Heritage should also include our history and our environment. How we leave the world for future generations is part of our heritage.

Heritage should never be used as a weapon against people who might look and sound different to you.

One of the biggest problems with Heritage Day is that people expect you to dress and act in a certain way, based on your perceived heritage.

My heritage is a combination of many factors. They include food, music, culture, religion, language, politics and many more. Don’t judge me if I focus on any of them at what could look like the expense of others.

On Heritage Day, I might decide to dress up in Khoi traditional gear, I might decide to listen to Kwaito music, I might decide to braai and have deep conversations about the state of our politics and our economy. Or I might just cuddle up in bed and listen to classical music or binge-watch a television series.

South African heritage is beautiful and we must learn to embrace it instead of being scared by things we might not know anything about – yet. As we celebrate Heritage Day on 24 September, don’t be scared to explore and engage. We will all be better off if we understand where we come from. It could help us on our journey into the future. DM