A new wave of activism against gender-based violence has engulfed South Africa following a recent spate of horrifying incidents. At the extraordinary joint sitting of Parliament on Wednesday, 18 September, President Cyril Ramaphosa acknowledged a “dark and heavy shadow across our land”, saying “women and children of this country are under siege”.

He announced an “emergency five-point action plan” to be implemented over the next six months to tackle the scourge of gender-based violence. The five points are prevention, strengthening the criminal justice system, enhancing the legal and policy framework, ensuring adequate care, support and healing for victims of violence, and strengthening the economic power of women.

The plans outlined by the President had a familiar ring to them, echoing the likes of the State of the Nation address – more talk and framework building with little or no concrete, immediate action.

We are known to be a nation that reacts when in crisis, but sadly, in six months’ time, the momentum of our current trauma will have fizzled and we will have a new crisis to focus on.

The scope and severity of our current crisis requires immediate action in the form of well-being support for survivors of gender-based violence.

Gender-based violence not only violates and traumatises its survivors, it depletes the resilience of society, making it harder to recover and rebuild.

The revolution in consciousness on the subject presents us with an opportunity to collectively address a major global problem. Sexual attacks on women have captured attention in recent weeks, but there are other recognised forms of violence – intimate-partner violence, non-consensual sodomy, sexual violence against men and child abuse, among many others.

The survivors physical, emotional and psychological full functioning and well-being is inhibited and contributes greater risk of future health problems.

According to a study done by World Health Organisation (WHO) on Gender based Violence Health Emergencies: “This violence has serious short and long-term consequences on women’s physical, sexual and reproductive and mental health as well as on their personal and social well-being. The health consequences of violence against women include injuries, untimed/unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV, pelvic pain, urinary tract infections, fistula, genital injuries, pregnancy complications, and chronic conditions. Mental health impacts for survivors of gender-based violence include Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, substance misuse, self-harm and suicidal behaviour, and sleep disturbances. In addition, a survivor of GBV may also face stigma and rejection from her community and family.”

Survivors suffer further because of stigma associated with GBV, as society is not equipped with supportive tools to assist survivors. Our health care focuses on symptom crisis management, and hardly ever diagnoses the root cause of illness, by taking the whole person into account.

According to WHO: “South Africa has the fourth highest interpersonal violence rate in the world.” Along with limited sources of support to help the survivor, stigma still dominates in society, where survivors are unable to reach out for support. While our government and community call on rigorous social dialogue, adding that men need to also speak out about violence, as a society, individually we each have the responsibility to support survivors of GBV.

In support of survivors of Gender-Based Violence, irrespective of when the experience or incident occurred – here are some practical self-compassionate tools of support for survivors.

Shift from victim to survivor mentality

Thoughts become words and words trigger action. The word “victim” signifies a role in a crime and, in the legal context, it has to be used. Unfortunately, it is aversive to be a victim and the word has developed aversive connotations. The tendency of victims is to not speak out, announce stigmas or seek help. In my opinion, being a “victim” evokes emotions of hopelessness, helplessness and feeling “less than”, of allowing mind and body to not want to heal from trauma. Choose the thoughts and words of your experience carefully by consciously being aware and filtering out words and thoughts that promote a victim mindset.

True acknowledgement is required for healing to begin

Many survivors of traumatic violent experiences find comfort in blocking out memory of the event. Avoidance is an apparent coping and self-protection belief, to allow healing. But sustaining this short term coping mechanism prevents you from engaging in true healing. Memory blocking robs you of self-compassion and healing. Acknowledging your experience is the only way to detoxify your trauma. Many avoid acknowledging what happened because it requires reviving and reliving the experience. But not acknowledging your experience prevents you from owning your hurt, pain and suffering – which results in feeling stressed mentally and distressed physically.

Lean into your emotional pain and, over time, you will find the levels of discomfort diminish. Turning towards your pain and suffering potentially opens a deep reservoir of compassion, acceptance and gentleness to yourself. When you truly acknowledge your experience, you view yourself with a compassionate lens which provides stamina to endure post-trauma healing.

Give yourself permission to be emotional and vulnerable

Give yourself permission to feel your pain. By feeling your pain, you begin to override it. Often you become numb because internally you believe the emotion you are feeling isn’t allowed. You think you are not allowed to cry or be angry, you believe you need to be strong. Giving yourself permission to be vulnerable allows you to feel liberated and in control of your experience, without feeling overwhelmed. The process of healing brings up a myriad of uncomfortable feelings and emotions and if you allow them – and don’t suppress them – you become aware of the ebb and flow without attaching yourself to the emotion. This can be intensely uncomfortable initially, but be witness to the emotion and allow yourself space to process it.

Narrate your experience

You can choose to either write or talk about your experience. Doing both is even better. Write or talk about it a few times, from different perspectives; for example, what you were thinking and feeling, or the series of events. Write a journal or perhaps a letter to your perpetrator/violator – not to send it but to sort out and express your feelings. Reach out and learn from other experiences shared in books, podcasts and support groups. This gives you the strength to open your heart as you realise you are not alone.

Physical release

The next step is to release stored emotion from your body. Our mind, body and emotions are interconnected. This is referred to as “the pain-body”. Often, we heal the mind and emotions but disregard pain-body healing. Recommended mind-body-emotion practices to release trauma from the body include: trauma release exercises (TRE); kinesiology; therapeutic, yin, Hatha or restorative yoga; qi gong and tai chi. Find a practitioner of gentle movement-based modalities to help dislodge stored pain energy in the body. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all way to physical release, choose the one that feels best for you.

Forgiveness

This is often a tough area to navigate. You can spend a lifetime stuck emotionally and not heal by not forgiving yourself. In hindsight, you can only forgive your perpetrator when you truly forgive yourself. It isn’t productive to beating yourself up in a “should, could, would” spiral of shame and guilt about the past. When you forgive yourself, wholeheartedly, you begin to realise you did the best according to the physical, mental and emotional knowledge you had then. Find your way towards forgiving yourself through your own belief system.

When you find yourself reaching out for addictive support – food, drugs or alcohol – to numb you to your traumatic experience, remember, as humans, we are programmed to find something to soothe the pain and though this comfort has immediate effects they are not lasting.

When you find yourself reaching out for addictive support like food, drugs or alcohol to numb out your traumatic experience, remember the word STOP. S literally means Stop, T – Take a long breathing break, O – Observe your thoughts and emotions, P – Pause the short term quick fix. Acknowledge your short-term comfort from emotional pain without judging yourself.

Nurture yourself

Be kind and nurture yourself. Be gentle with words and actions to yourself. As you reach out for addictive, self-sabotaging support like excessive eating, alcohol or drugs, remind yourself these are short-term fixes.

Do healthy, centring things like healing massages, scented baths, long walks, gazing at stars, writing, meditating, watching sunrise and sunset, buying flowers – self-pampering without the guilt factor.

Give yourself healing time

There is no quick-fix. The process of healing is not linear either, it waxes and wanes and takes time. The healing journey is a “felt” process in your mind, body, soul and emotions – you need to tap into this constantly as you traverse the discomfort. Some days will be easier than others and some days you feel like you have de-railed. Keep reaching and leaning in for support.

South Africans are more united than ever in their commitment to end gender-based violence. We should all continue to build on this momentum to strengthen and improve our response to a crisis and, in doing so, help the survivor, families and communities to feel supported. DM

Salochanee Reddy is a holistic life coach, educator and founder of The Equilibrium Well-being Centre. Salochanee is a certified teacher trainer for Dr Deepak Chopra health programmes and is a doctor in philosophy specialising in conscious centred living