Queridos Camaradas MPLA,

Joyous greetings to you from the other side of River Limpopo. I hope that the humidity in Luanda is not tampering with your revolutionary fervour these days. As you all know, it is imperative that we keep the fire burning at all times in order to achieve the Marxist paradise that our continent really deserves.

Camaradas, I am writing to express my profound gratitude for your decision to bestow on President Eduardo Dos Santos the imperial title of “President of the Republic Emeritus Honorary”, a title he would assume once he steps down from office later this year. As reported in the media, this title will grant our dear Camarada Presidente a special legal status: immunity from civil and criminal prosecution from courts with the exception of a constituted special tribunal. He will also be entitled to a pension equivalent to 90% of his current monthly salary.

However, Queridos Camaradas, I am still of the view that more substantial justifications could have been provided for bestowing this glorious honour on the “conqueror of apartheid”, the man who “cleaned up Angola’s landmines”. Camaradas, I should say that I was a tad disappointed in the officials handling the research and publicity section of our great party, MPLA, for not doing enough homework to present a more cogent rationale. The spirit of our revolutionary forebears will not be too happy at this glaring omission.

In order to remedy this, and as part of my contribution to the legacy of our great party, allow me to contribute a worthy citation. Please feel free to edit this but please do not tamper with the substance of the message. Please ensure that Camarada Presidente reads this as well. It goes like this:

“The legendary works of our our dear Camarada Presidente, Jose Eduardo Dos Santos, cannot be ignored in the annals of Africa’s post-colonial history. To list the achievements of President Dos Santos will be akin to counting all the pages of the Timbuktu manuscripts or the glistering sands of the Sahara desert. Nevertheless, we will be doing posterity a great injustice by glossing over the foundations that President Dos Santos has laid for the development of Angola and the entire African continent.

“Beyond the fact that he singularly, militarily and politically, brought apartheid South Africa to its knees, and removed all the landmines planted by the enemies of the revolution across Angola, Camarade Presidente will forever be remembered for shattering the imperialist classification of the ‘world’s richest persons’ and also re-conceptualising engagement with the imperialists. These are no small psychological wins for the continent.

“Until the first daughter of our Camarada Presidente, Honourable Madame Isabel Dos Santos, appeared on Forbes list as Africa’s richest woman, we were used to only reading the names of male Caucasians and token male black billionaires. Now the story has changed, with Isabel’s name appearing on the list every year. The stories told by our very own Isabel show two important things. One is the importance of hard work. It proves that regardless of who and what you are, perseverance is key. The second, and the most important element, is that Camarade Presidente is a wonderful father, one who instilled in Isabel the spirit of not giving up. Compared to other presidential kids across Africa, Isabel continues to lead the way, and great institutions such as the London School of Economics (LSE) and the London Business School (LBS) have recognised her achievements by providing her a platform to tell the good African story. What more could a father ask for!

“Isabel’s investment in Portugal and other parts of Europe is another element that has not been given its due attention. Through these investments, a function of the discipline instilled in her by Camarada Presidente, the first daughter is reversing the story by showing that we Africans can also own the Empire. This is a clear message to the imperialists, one that clearly indicates the possibility of turning their lands into an extension of Africa. This calculated move shows the supreme brilliance and deftness of our Camarada Presidente. Our Camarada Presidente did not only defeat the imperialists on the different battlegrounds across southern Africa, he has now taken the war to their doorsteps. This is counterpenetration at its best. This revolution is being televised, A luta Continua!

“In conclusion, we propose to both SADC and the AU to adopt a resolution that further gives President Jose Eduardo Dos Santos the title of ‘Emeritus President of the Revolutionary Council of the United States of Africa’. Through this position, he should be given the opportunity to traverse the African continent to share the ideas and strategies of defeating imperialists, and how to establish the Marxist paradise that our continent truly deserves.

“Camarada Presidente will also be willing to establish an annual prize for leadership that encourages sit-tight African leaders to relinquish power and become ‘Emeritus Presidents’. In addition, the prize will assist in developing the skills of young Africans that wish to counterpenetrate the Empire through buying up stakes, businesses and properties. This, subject to the adoption of the AU Assembly, can be called the ‘Emeritus President Dos Santos Leadership Award’.

“Long live the revolution! Long live Emeritus Camarada Presidente Jose Eduardo Dos Santos! Long live the coming Marxist revolution! Long live Africa!”

Queridos Camaradas, our good stories must be told. The achievements of our Camarada Presidente is one such good story that all must know about. This is the debt we owe to him.

A luta Continua, Camaradas!

Your revolutionary Camarada,

Babatunde wa Afrika. DM