Tony Jackman’s Waldorf Salad, just as Harry Hamilton would have wanted it. (Photo: Tony Jackman) 
Harry Hamilton, the angry American man in the Waldorf Salad episode of the Fawlty Towers sitcom, was never going to be pleased. With hindsight, he was a ghastly boor of a man and it’s easy to have sympathy for hotelier Basil Fawlty and his comic, obsequious attempts to placate a tourist who was never going to be placated.
Even though his demand that the kitchen whip up a Waldorf Salad for which the hotel didn’t have the ingredients etched his name in the annals as one of television’s memorable boors.
Who could forget these lines:
Basil Fawlty: Have you by any chance ever tried a Ritz salad?
Harry Hamilton: Ritz?
Fawlty: Yes, it’s a traditional old English thing. It’s apples, grapefruit, and potatoes in a mayonnaise sauce.
Hamilton: No, I don’t think I ever tried that. Don’t think I ever will, either.
It remains one of the funniest and most enduring of all 12 episodes, of which it was the third in the second series, aired in March 1979. The first series was broadcast in 1975 and the appeal of Fawlty Towers has never waned – even now that Prunella Scales (Sybil) has died, and “Manuel” actor Andrew Sachs left us a decade ago, having had to endure modern-day criticism for daring to play a person of a nationality other than his own.
Manuel (the character) was Spanish, Sachs was British but German-born. Who can deny that his brilliance trounces any such criticism? It wasn’t blackface. And Manuel was written to be farcically Spanish, not just a Spanish actor playing a waiter. Imagine what would have been lost if Sachs had turned down the role?
In a world that has lost its sense of humour and turned its back on levity and fun, there has even been a backlash against arguably the funniest episode of all, The Germans, by people who cannot seem to perceive how the combination of irony and humour can make for scenes that have you laughing so hard that a heart attack might seem imminent.
Well, maybe we’ll live longer, but we won’t laugh as much.
Not to mention the (what should be) very obvious fact that The Germans episode had an utterly clear message: it’s stupid to hate your former enemy, let’s all get along. But no, now it’s, “Oooh, you can’t say things like that, it’s inappropriate!”
You can’t be funny, or ironic, or just poke fun at something awful to try to find some levity in life.
And the darkness of censorship clouds the light of wit.
When such thoughts sour my mind as well, and threaten to bring down the bell jar, I retreat to the kitchen.
Where I might make a Waldorf Salad.
I don’t think we’ll be making Basil’s “Ritz” alternative, not only because the grapefruit could have a curdling effect on the mayo. Grapefruit and potatoes, hmmmm.
In light of that, are apples and grapes really a good match for celery and walnuts, and what does the mayo do for the dish?
Well, make it, taste it, and clearly it works a bit of magic that quickly explains why the popularity of a Waldorf Salad has endured – for another 45 years, and counting, even since that episode was aired.
Oh, did you know: that famous four-word line yelled by the irascible American – Celery! Apples! Walnuts! Grapes! – isn’t the whole story. A Waldorf Salad sits on a bed of lettuce (I used cos, but Romaine would do fine), and the dressing is not only mayo. It’s mixed with plain yoghurt for a creamy effect.
I drizzled it over the salad, and also pooled some of it in the middle.
I also used lemon juice to prevent discolouration of the cut apple. And I added one more ingredient, in defiance of Harry Hamilton: I drizzled some olive oil over before serving.
Finally, I’m not convinced that this salad needs seasoning. I left it untouched, but add salt and pepper if you like.
Tony’s Waldorf Salad
(Serves 4 to 6 as a side dish)
Ingredients
12 to 18 leaves of cos or romaine lettuce
3 large green apples
Juice of ½ a lemon
16 red grapes, sliced in half lengthwise
2 celery stalks, diced
24 walnuts, whole
½ cup Hellmann’s mayonnaise
3 Tbsp plain yoghurt
A drizzle of extra virgin olive oil
Salt and black pepper (optional)
Method
Rinse and dry the lettuce, grapes and celery.
Rinse the apples, don’t peel them, and slice them into half moons as in the photo. Ignore the pips. Put the slices in a bowl, add the juice of half a lemon, and toss so that everything is coated, to discourage discolouration.
Choose a broad salad bowl or platter, oval or round.
Place the leaves around the edge. Leave a “well” at the centre for the sauce.
Place the apple slices around as in the photo.
Halve the grapes and dot them around.
Place the walnuts here and there.
Mix the mayonnaise and yoghurt in a bowl.
Using a tablespoon, splash half of the dressing over the ingredients, following the lines of the edge of the platter.
Spoon the remainder into the well in the middle.
Drizzle olive oil over.
Fancy watching the episode? Here it is:
I served it as a salad with braaied picanha – come back tomorrow for that recipe. DM
Tony Jackman is twice winner of the Galliova Food Writer of the Year award.
Follow Tony Jackman on Instagram @tony_jackman_cooks.