Midlife crisis? What midlife crisis?

My brother recently hiked for three days in the Groot Winterhoek Wilderness with two long-time friends, with whom he had travelled in Thailand in his early twenties. They did not see a single other person for the duration of their excursion, and the expansiveness and beauty of the setting proved cathartic. The result was quality conversations, fresh perspectives and plenty of laughs. 

Chatting about how meaningful the experience was afterwards, my brother and I went on to discuss the shifts in thinking that midlife can bring, and how, as we journey through our years, our paths do not, and cannot, unfold as we intended. 

Those three boys in their twenties had a sense of what they wanted to achieve in their lives, and each experienced challenges and circumstances that they could never have foreseen. Reconnecting years later brought a deeper truth to light: that connection, quiet moments in nature, and the freedom to simply step back can matter just as much as the milestones that usually define success.

A Canadian psychoanalyst, Elliott Jaques, coined the term “midlife crisis” in a 1965 paper called Death and the Mid-life Crisis. Studying the biographies of many famous artists, including Mozart and Gauguin, he noticed that they underwent a creative or emotional upheaval between the ages of 35 and 45, which he linked to a growing awareness of mortality, and the finite time they had left. 

In his essay he argued that this shift does not necessarily produce creative crisis or decline, but a new phase of creativity and self-expression. Many would reject the word “crisis” altogether, seeing that midlife ambition doesn’t wane so much as recalibrate, pivoting from the pursuit of status toward a more deliberate, intentional use of our remaining time.

Reaching life’s midpoint brings valuable wisdom and experience. But it often brings fatigue, too, the toll of a relentless drive to achieve and the exhaustion of forever chasing that next distant milestone.

In early adulthood, it is easy to assume there is endless time to achieve one’s goals. But realising that remaining time is finite often prompts a shift in focus. It brings a desire to re-evaluate priorities, whether that means acquiring new skills, simplifying lifestyle choices, or reassessing which relationships to nurture and which to let go. Ultimately, this realisation offers a chance to consciously shape a life grounded in lived experience.

Our generative concern – the inclination to support others through our accumulated wisdom and experience – often becomes more prominent in midlife. Research has associated activities such as mentoring, volunteering and supporting others with greater personal wellbeing. It is easy to overlook, however, the capacity to actively shape one’s own future. Investing in the quality of coming years simply requires reflecting on the journey so far and considering the paths ahead.

In Oliver Burkeman’s Meditations for Mortals, he explains the concepts of the kayak and the superyacht as analogies for how many of us wish to navigate our lives.

He explains that as humans, we often long to cruise along on the superyacht, cutting cleanly through circumstances, buffered and buoyant, to steer calmly from the driver’s seat and flip simple switches to keep ourselves on course.

The reality, by comparison, is that we are each in a single kayak, carried along by a river that is at times tranquil and at others turbulent. We have no real choice but to respond to where the river carries us, dealing with the water that we find before us, including the thrills and spills. 

Burkeman’s antidote to longing for the serenity of the superyacht lies in focusing on the next stretch of river in the kayak: to respond purposefully to what is immediately before us rather than expecting life to unfold only according to a plan. Midlife brings a perspective that makes this easier to do.

Consider a few questions: What would you like to do more – and less – of? Who do you want to spend more time with? How do you want your ordinary days to feel? What would you like to learn or experience? 

Rather than resisting the arrival of midlife, it can be embraced as an invitation to seek new perspective, whether by reconnecting with old friends or pausing to question one’s direction. Combined with the wisdom that comes with time, this shift allows focus to expand beyond status and achievement toward autonomy, creativity, contribution, and balance. DM

Louise Janovsky is a writer and coach. She publishes a blog on intentional living on her website. Her first book Dream. Decide. Do. is available on the Daily Maverick shop here.