Illustration: Ahmed Hossam / Unsplash It is natural to doubt ourselves when we see other people succeeding. Sometimes it may feel that almost everywhere we look, others are achieving something worthy of praise and recognition. We watch with admiration and some envy, and perhaps wonder at our own perceived inability to achieve similar levels of greatness.
Enter our inner critic: even though it is a voice we have created ourselves, we often accept its judgement without question.
The tendency to compare ourselves to others is normal, but when the critical voice gets too loud, it can easily get in the way of our goals, and mess with our motivation to move forward. We might tell ourselves that we are not capable, experienced or intelligent enough to attempt something, which can prevent us from beginning at all.
Why is it, then, that we do not scramble to defend ourselves against what sounds like harmful inner talk?
Much of our tendency to listen to this inhibiting voice comes from avoiding the energy that real action often requires. It can feel easier to believe our inner doubts and stay with familiar, sometimes limiting habits than to step outside our comfort zones and take decisive action towards progress and growth.
Yet, once we decide to listen to our inner doubts, we selectively focus only on evidence that reinforces them. We might mistake limiting beliefs for objective truths, and believe that we cannot learn, grow or improve – without consciously challenging them or attempting to prove otherwise.
One way to unravel these thought patterns is to recognise them as they arise and question them: would I say this to someone I love? How does this way of thinking help me? What action can I take, right now, that defies it?
A growth mindset
In her 1998 research, Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck developed and popularised the concept of the growth mindset: the idea that the brain’s capacity to learn and solve problems can be developed over time.
To explore this, she conducted an experiment in which children were divided into two groups and asked to complete the same task successfully.
One group was praised for their intelligence, while the other was praised for their effort. When later presented with more challenging tasks, the children praised for effort showed greater resilience, enjoyment and persistence. The study found that praise for intelligence had more negative consequences for students’ achievement motivation than praise for effort.
In her 2014 TED Talk, Dweck explained that cultivating a growth mindset can help us believe that our abilities are not fixed, but can be strengthened through effort, learning and practice.
By becoming more aware of our thought patterns, we can begin to recognise the “fixed-mindset” voice of the inner critic and consciously challenge it with a more constructive perspective.
Rather than judging the potential quality of our results before we even begin a task, we can shift our attention towards the effort we can control and the progress we can make.
This more flexible mindset allows us to move forward from our failures instead of focusing on them endlessly. Like Thomas Edison for example, the inventor of the lightbulb, who once allegedly said: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Unsuccessful attempts are not verdicts – indeed, we can see them as experiments, attempts and opportunities to redirect or adjust our approach to a task, work and life.
When I begin writing an article, I have an idea for a message and perspective that I would like to communicate to an audience. Often, thinking of my angle is easy enough, but within a few minutes of the idea arriving, doubt starts to creep in.
Would an article on that subject be helpful to others? Who would want to read it? If I am not careful, my inner critic will stop me from writing altogether. Most of the time, I ignore it and begin anyway, and that is usually when my inner critic becomes loudest.
I have learnt to persevere by focusing on the next sentence, then the next. Some come easily and feel strong; many more feel awkward or ordinary.
By the time I have reached the end of the article, the voice has retreated, grumbling, into the background. When I edit my work, I use some of what the voice told me to objectively and constructively improve on my first and second drafts.
What other strategies can help quiet an unsupportive inner voice?
Create a persona for your inner critic
In her book Ignite, about unlocking more of our brain’s potential, Neeltje van Horen encourages readers to create a separate persona for our inner critic in order to create some distance between ourselves and our critical thoughts, and thus allow us to view their often destructive input more objectively.
She tells us to choose something outlandish, and true to the voice’s derogatory nature. If we give it a ridiculous appearance and exaggerated characteristics, it is easier to object to what this unlikeable persona has to say.
Van Horen explains that if we consciously challenge and question our ingrained beliefs about our limitations, we can begin to actively reshape our lives.
There is a balance between quieting inner criticism so that it does not become a barrier, and remaining open to external criticism that can help improve the quality of our work. Finding that balance matters because allowing self-doubt to dominate can lead to hesitation and inaction, keeping goals and ambitions at a distance. DM