Illustrative image: US President Donald Trump. (Photo: Andrew Harnik / Getty Images) | Strait of Hormuz. (Graphic: Vecteezy) | Uno Reverse card. (Graphic: Wikipedia) | Stock market ticket. (Photo: iStock) My wife asks me why I sigh so deeply in the morning – I guess we’ve reached that sitcom age in our marriage where the predictable routine is predictable enough to make these sweeping, general statements.
My answer over the past month or so has been tied to whatever happened overnight in the Middle East. This morning I didn’t have time to open the social feeds on my glowing rectangle of existential dread because I hadn’t reset my Monday alarm (April is a brutal month for the biological clock).
I compile the Business Maverick market table in the morning and the rand’s early morning movements indicated some significant news on the Iranian front.
Brent Crude was well above $100, which meant the dollar would be stronger because countries need more dollars to afford the oil. That means that they would sell off the gold they were holding which would drop that price and then also notch the JSE All Share down – the mining-dominant ALSI is also the reason someone needs to be up at dawn’s crack to put the market table together.
These are the patterns you notice when lovingly updating a spreadsheet in the wee hours. It’s like getting a kid ready for school in the morning and noticing how the grey pants shrink faster than your wallet can cover.
Another marker for childhood development is seeing strategies evolve alongside cognitive function in boardgames. I know, for instance, that my kids will not hesitate to red shell me on the last corner of Mario Kart – I have subjected them to that digital trauma of zero mercy since they could hold a controller.
But when we’re playing Monopoly and that little human reflection of my genetics is naively trying to buy up every bright colour, it’s difficult to impose the brutally lopsided economic advantage of the dice roll trending towards landing on my (hotel + four houses, always) brown squares.
You may as well hand that R200 to me when you’re passing Go.
An even bigger test of parenting is when the whole family joins in on a few hands of UNO. Do I show mercy and teach the positive life lessons of fun and keeping the peace, or do I pile on the Draw Four wild cards until the littlest (he’s not that little anymore and has a penchant for UNO Flip) is reduced to a Fanta-fuelled screaming tantrum in the face of unfair aggression?
This morning US President Donald Trump took a page out of the family games night strategy book and played an UNO reverse card of blockading the ships that are granted rite of passage through the already choked Strait of Hormuz.
This caused the oil price to spike and set off the chain of events that results in you and me driving a couple petrol stations further than expected to make up for the panic buyers.
And, of course, the continued teetering on the brink of collapse for emerging economies like ours. Do not pass Go, do not collect R200.
Just one note about that strategy, though… I don’t know what the White House rules are, but my children know that we don’t win on action or wild cards.
But who am I to try to mentor the leader of the free world on interconnected market economics? I’ll stick to teaching my kids humanity and sighing at the morning market movements. DM