The major news you missed while on the beach over the holidays

Venezuela

If you have managed to avoid any mention whatsoever of the Caracas shenanigans, you have been on a truly enviable bender. US President Donald Trump could not let more than three days of 2026 pass without smearing a giant orange handprint on the year.

Even by the standards of the Trump administration, however, this stunt was a doozy: amounting to the kidnapping of a sitting head of state and his wife. Even if pretty much everyone agrees that Nicolás Maduro is a “bad hombre”, to employ a favourite term of Trump, this US Special Forces escapade exposed once and for all the gigantic hoax of “international law”.

When the charge sheet for Maduro’s arrest was produced, eyebrows were raised at the fact that it included “possession of machine guns” – in a country where 11-year-olds regularly stuff their Skibidi school backpacks full of automatic weapons. Still: finally some gun control!

Various absurd narratives have been advanced as the rationale for the Caracas strike. Among them: that Trump deeply cares about democratic legitimacy (which must be why he tried to help his buddy Jair Bolsonaro escape consequences for staging an attempted coup in Brazil); that Trump is bringing an iron fist down on drug trafficking (which must be why he just pardoned the Honduran ex-president after being sentenced to 45 years in jail for drug charges); and that Trump cares deeply about the wellbeing of the Venezuelan people (which must be why he stripped all Venezuelans living in the US of all legal protection in May last year).

Yet Trump himself was perfectly open about at least one of his motivations: oil profits. After all the time the Bushes spent manufacturing consent for their Middle Eastern excursions, it turns out you don’t even have to bother. Seemingly, the only consequence you will have to face is the EU “monitoring the situation”.

Christmas Day, but make it bombing season, courtesy of the US

This, it turned out, was the curtain-raiser for the Venezuelan show-stopper. The 25th of December, aka Christmas Day, is famously a time of peace and goodwill – which is why British and German soldiers stopped killing each other for the occasion during World War 1. What a bunch of wet wipes! The Trump administration is made of sterner stuff, marking the Yuletide with airstrikes on targets in northwestern Nigeria.

Trump said the action was a “Christmas present” to prevent the slaughter of “innocent Christians”. The Nigerian government said the strikes were a joint operation and had “nothing to do with a particular religion”. Total headscratcher.

Trump, the “pro-peace” candidate for president, has carried out bombings in seven countries in his second term thus far. Nigeria was the second African country; Somalia was the first. There’s no chance Pretoria isn’t feeling just a leeetle unsettled right now.

While Trump frothed over his Christmas bombing, Nigerian authorities were left to deal with the practical aftermath, including warning civilians about unexploded ordnance.

Greenland could be next on the menu

Denmark entered the new year by responding to renewed US rhetoric about annexing Greenland with firm public resistance and a strong statement from the prime minister. The last occasion on which someone discussed annexing Greenland was Erik the Red in the year 982 AD, so it’s understandable that the Danes have been in a state of quiet bemusement on this topic until now.

There are now multiple betting apps, though they have been tastefully rebranded as “prediction markets”, where you can bet on basically any news event. (At least one person, who may or may not be Pete Hegseth, made $400,000 betting on Maduro’s removal 24 hours before it happened. Amazing stroke of luck.)

Anyway, the actual invasion of Greenland by the US is definitely worth a punt, since the wife of Homeland Security ghoul Stephen Miller tweeted the word “SOON” with a map of Greenland draped in a US flag. I wish to God any of this was made up, but since it’s real, we may as well all rake in a few bob on Polymarket.

Switzerland has a New Year’s Eve to forget

Switzerland normally markets itself on calm competence, punctual trains, Roger Federer and a general absence of drama outside of Roger Federer’s tennis matches. New Year’s Eve disrupted that branding rather badly.

A devastating fire at a bar in Crans-Montana killed 40 people and injured at least 119 more, turning a celebration into one of the country’s worst tragedies. In another sign of the End Times in which we are currently wallowing, multiple bar clients seem to have chosen to take videos of the fire rather than, say, pulling burning teens to safety.

A tavern shooting reminds everyone that SA’s violence problem did not take a break.

On 21 December, a mass shooting at a tavern in Bekkersdal near Johannesburg left nine people dead and at least 10 injured, and made international headlines. Bleakly enough, this was only the second-deadliest mass shooting in Johannesburg in that month.

The attack prompted renewed calls for tougher firearm controls, but don’t hold your breath: SA’s gun lobby is hugely powerful and well-resourced.

The rand ends 2025 on an uncharacteristic high

Let’s close it off with some good news. Adding to the cautiously positive economic tone, the rand finished 2025 with its strongest annual performance in more than a decade, gaining nearly 13% against the US dollar – and allowing South Africans to experience the unfamiliar sensation of a currency that was not actively embarrassing them on the world stage.

If you missed all or any of this while floating in the ocean, well done. Unfortunately, the news cycle is very pleased to have you back. DM