How SA parents are fighting back against their children’s smartphone addiction

When Colleen’s* children received their first smartphones when they were about nine, she saw it as a natural milestone.

“It was very much a rite of passage. I didn’t think it was an issue back then,” says Colleen, a single mother from Gauteng with two teenagers. Their early years had already been shaped by technology, iPads, games and digital play, so smartphones felt like the logical next step for tech-savvy kids growing up in a digital age. But as her children reached ages 11 and 12, she began noticing unsettling changes she now associates with smartphone use. 

“Both of them independently went through a very particular change of behaviour; my daughter’s dark thoughts and obsession with social media pressures, and my son’s increased aggression and swearing influenced by friends and online gaming culture,” she says. 

Colleen recalls her daughter’s struggle with social media’s ruthless body image standards. 

“She was constantly comparing herself to the ‘thin girls’, dealing with puberty and the pressure to look perfect. It caused a lot of moodiness, very dark thoughts,” she says. 

Meanwhile, her son’s world changed in a different way: “His behaviour got hysterical, with rage and aggressive language. It was like they became impossible to parent.” 

The family sought expert help early, with both children seeing psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists. Reflecting now, Colleen admits: “I think the onset of behavioural issues coincided directly with introducing smartphones around age nine.”

Colleen’s experience is far from unique. Across South Africa and around the world, smartphones have woven themselves so tightly into childhood that it feels almost impossible to imagine growing up without them.

Yet beneath this hyper-connected reality lies a growing, alarming body of research linking early and unrestricted smartphone use to serious mental health challenges, including rising rates of anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation among young people. Parents find themselves caught in an impossible bind: wanting to protect and support their children, but faced with the immense pressure of providing early access to smartphones, whether for social inclusion, safety, or educational reasons.

The digital dilemma

“I am an older mom of teenagers; we are the generation that didn’t have this information that we have today, and so what’s happened is the entire global generation of me as a parent has started to notice that there was a big change in our children,” says Colleen.

Debate and anxiety about preteen and teen smartphone access are intensifying worldwide. Research links early, frequent smartphone use with behavioural issues and emotional distress. One study even describes smartphones as a “parasite” on our brains. A South African study associates excessive social media use among young adults with sleep deprivation, fear of missing out, low self-esteem and increased suicide risk. 

Many young people spend more than seven hours daily on social media, fuelling anxiety and despair. Cyberbullying on these platforms correlates more strongly with suicide attempts than face-to-face bullying, while image-focused apps such as Instagram exacerbate negative mental health outcomes. The digital dangers go beyond addiction; sextortion, grooming and extortion are rampant online.

Read more: ‘Phone-based childhood’ is not just a digital distraction but a direct route to anxiety and depression.

Colleen paints a vivid picture of the pressures parents face in today’s highly connected world. 

“At this age, every single kid in our suburb has a phone; there wouldn’t be one without. Their entire social and academic lives happen online, from schoolwork to clubs and social events. If a child didn’t have a phone, they’d be excluded in every way,” she says. 

Many parents make practical compromises, such as using devices to occupy children or stay connected for safety and yet they feel ill-equipped to set firm boundaries amid rapid technological changes.

Anna*, a working mother, candidly describes these struggles. 

“Sometimes you just don’t have time, and you give in. You feel terrible, but it’s okay. We try to be intentional on the days we can.”

The slow-tech revolution

This complex digital landscape has sparked a growing movement in South Africa. Smart Device-Free Childhood SA (SFC-SA) champions a “slow-tech” philosophy, encouraging families to delay unrestricted smartphone access to protect children’s mental wellbeing and foster digital resilience.

At the heart of this movement is the Digital Parent Pact, a community of like-minded parents committed to mindful tech habits. The pact launches when at least 10 parents from the same school grade pledge online to postpone smartphone introduction. This collective approach provides peer support and shared strength, empowering families to resist pressures from peer exclusion and school requirements.

Anna is one of many parents who have joined SFC-SA. Worried about how many children already have phones, she says: “My daughter will be in Grade 3 next year, and some of her friends already have phones. How long do I hold out if by Grade 5 she’s the last without one?”

Having witnessed the addictive hold of social media firsthand, Anna found clarity and community through SFC-SA. 

“I wanted to connect with parents who think alike, to build support. It’s pointless to say ‘no smartphones’ if every other child already has one,” she says.

Anna also shares her observations about how her children consume content. 

“They used to watch a lot of YouTube. I’d hear what they were watching and have to redirect [them] to something kid-friendly. Even with YouTube Kids, it’s hard to control and it worries me. One time my son watched a Bluey clip where Bluey told her mom she wanted to kill her. That’s clearly not appropriate,” she says. 

Anna’s experience with tablets highlighted the warning signs for her. 

“Around two years ago, when we introduced tablets, I started seeing addictive behaviours. The kids would cry loudly when devices were taken away as if their life was over. It made me question how healthy this is,” she says. 

Anna is also deeply concerned about the content her kids encounter online. 

“I’ve seen sexually explicit advertisements on games meant for four-year-olds. It’s disturbing. Tech companies aren’t protecting our children; they’re profiting and that’s why as parents we need to take a stand,” she says.

Colleen joined SFC-SA in 2025, despite her children already being teenagers. “The damage felt done,” she says. “My daughter told me she started receiving sexual messages – ‘dick pics’ – from age 12, which shocked me.”

“With my son, I discovered racist memes and hateful language circulating in his gaming Discord groups; things I never expected.”

Nicky*, a dedicated SFC-SA member and mother, highlights the strength of community. 

“It’s tough swimming upstream alone, but with 16,000 parents committed to delaying phones until high school, kids aren’t ostracised. It’s about finding your tribe and standing firm together,” she says. 

How parents are pressing pause

Parents are experimenting with different strategies to manage screen time and create healthier relationships with technology at home.

Anna’s family limits screen time to about an hour and a half per day, split between after school and before bed, promoting balanced and healthy media habits. 

“We try for family movie nights on weekends; it’s not perfect, but it works about 60–70% of the time,” she says. 

She sees schools as crucial allies in this effort, believing that phone-free policies can ease parental pressures and protect children during the school day. “Children deserve to grow, play and connect without the constant pull of screens. By joining forces, parents and schools can press pause on smartphones and create a healthier future.”

Claire* took a different, yet equally effective approach by establishing a family “round table”, an open forum for honest conversation. 

“We talk about behaviour that’s offensive or out of line. Everyone gets a say, including my son saying, ‘It’s just a joke, you’re too sensitive’. We negotiate and find compromises we all agree on.” 

Dialogue has reduced friction more than punishments ever could and while some battles remain, Claire’s family agrees on clear boundaries, such as no phones after 9pm, which helps preserve downtime and encourages respect, she said. 

Claire’s advice is straightforward: “You have to be the bad guy sometimes. Set boundaries firmly. They’ll push back, but without limits, they’ll never stop scrolling and gaming.” DM

 *Not their real names