--- title: "#SliceOfLife – ‘I remember worrying she was cold in the tray’. My six hours that felt like a movie" description: "In 2020, 1.9 million children were stillborn, according to a new report from the World Health Organization. Read how one woman’s experience of stillbirth inspired her to start a mental health support group for parents who lost a child during pregnancy." type: "NewsArticle" publisher: "Daily Maverick" site: "https://www.dailymaverick.co.za" section: "BHEKISISA" author: "Zano Kunene" author_url: "https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/author/zano-kunene/" canonical_url: "https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2023-05-17-stillbirth-i-remember-worrying-she-was-cold-in-the-tray/" published: "2023-05-17T20:53:41" lang: "en-ZA" word_count: 819 --- # #SliceOfLife – ‘I remember worrying she was cold in the tray’. My six hours that felt like a movie > In 2020, 1.9 million children were stillborn, according to a new report from the World Health Organization. Read how one woman’s experience of stillbirth inspired her to start a mental health support group for parents who lost a child during pregnancy. By Zano Kunene · Published 17 May 2023, 22:53 SAST ## Key points - We speak to Wanjiru Kihusa, founder of Still A Mum, a non-profit organisation that provides mental health support to parents who have lost a child during pregnancy, about her and her husband's experience dealing with the loss of their daughter in 2013. - Wanjiru Kihusa is the founder of Still A Mum, a non-profit organisation that provides mental health support to parents who have lost a child during pregnancy. - 1.9 million babies were stillborn in 2020, mostly in low-income countries in Africa and Asia. - South Africa recorded 19 stillbirths per 1 000 live births in 2020. - The national maternal, perinatal and newborn policy aims to cut deaths related to pregnancy and birth at public healthcare facilities by half by 2030. ## Content ‘She was so small; she fit in \[one of\] those silver \[stainless steel\] trays. “I remember worrying that she was cold in the tray, even though she wasn’t alive. But I was numb. My sister was crying and I was comforting her as if *she* had just lost a child. “The day before, my water broke. “My husband and I had gone to hang out with some university students that we were mentoring \[the previous evening\]. I had to step away \[at one point\] and go sit in the car with the heater on because I was \[so\] cold. I knew something was off. “We got home and I remember we spoke about what we were going to name our girl. But at around 2am I woke up. I was in insane pain. “We rushed to the hospital and I was sent for an [ultrasound](https://www.nibib.nih.gov/science-education/science-topics/ultrasound) to check the heart rate of the baby. There was still a heartbeat, but it was abnormally high. \[The heart rate is measured [to make sure the foetus is getting enough oxygen](https://aogcr.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/s0002937811010659.pdf), healthy and growing well.\] “The doctors were afraid that I would go into labour, so I was put on a bunch of medicines to stop that \[from happening\]. They told me if my baby was born now – at 20 weeks – she would not survive. \[A full-term pregnancy is [between 39 and 40 weeks](https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/pregnancy/conditioninfo).\] “My gynaecologist walked in \[after my water had broken\] and I could see the devastation on her face. “From that point it felt like an out-of-body experience. There wasn’t enough time to move me to the labour ward, so I had to give birth on my hospital bed. There wasn’t a lot of pushing, because it was a small baby at 20 weeks. “Everything sunk in when I took my first shower and realised I wasn’t pregnant anymore. > I would chat with many moms who had lost their children \[during pregnancy\] and meet up with them for lunch... But I realised \[after some time\] that lunch was not enough. “My husband and I were really excited when we found out we were pregnant in 2013. But it was a difficult pregnancy because as early as six weeks in, I began to “[spot](https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/bleeding-during-pregnancy/basics/causes/sym-20050636)”. \[Spotting refers to vaginal bleeding that occurs during pregnancy.\] “I went to the doctor to do tests and she told me my pregnancy was still okay, but I was put on medication that would make my body produce more [progesterone](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK558960/) \[a hormone that thickens the lining of the uterus and maintains the pregnancy\] until 12 or 13 weeks \[to keep my baby growing\]. “I made it to 16 weeks and could stop taking the medicines. I had a month of relief. Then, out of the blue, the symptoms \[spotting\] came back. \[At the time\] the doctors told me I was fighting an infection but they couldn’t tell what it was. **Read more in Daily Maverick:**[#SliceOfLife – how I beat a rare form of TB, but lost my hearing](https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2023-05-10-sliceoflife-how-i-beat-a-rare-form-of-tb-but-lost-my-hearing/) “\[After we had lost our child\], I quit my job as a manager at an IT firm. I started writing a blog, asking people for places \[I could go to\] that had support groups. “I would chat with many moms who had lost their children \[during pregnancy\] and meet up with them for lunch, which became a frequent thing – and it helped me. “But I realised \[after some time\] that lunch was not enough and I had not faced my own grief. And then I started going to therapy – for myself. “They showed me the importance of speaking to a professional. I began to find out how to run my own support groups, and which topics would come up in the meetings. “And that’s how [Still A Mum](https://stillamum.com/) began.” **DM** *Wanjiru Kihusa is the founder of*[*Still A Mum*](https://stillamum.com/)*, a non-profit organisation based in Kenya that provides mental health support to parents who have lost a child during pregnancy. Kihusa spoke to health reporter Zano Kunene at the*[*International Maternal Newborn Health Conference*](https://imnhc2023.org/)*in May about her and her husband's experience dealing with the loss of their daughter after she was stillborn in 2013. A stillbirth is when a baby dies in the womb,*[*from as early as the 20th week of pregnancy*](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/stillbirth/facts.html#:~:text=A%20stillbirth%20is%20the%20death,to%20when%20the%20loss%20occurs.)*. According to a new*[*report*](https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240073678)*by the World Health Organization, 1.9-million babies were stillborn (after 22 weeks) across the world in 2020, mostly in low-income countries in Africa and Asia. South Africa recorded about*[*19 stillbirths per 1,000 live births in 2020*](http://www.statssa.gov.za/publications/03-00-18/03-00-182022.pdf)*. The*[*national maternal, perinatal and newborn policy*](https://knowledgehub.health.gov.za/system/files/elibdownloads/2023-04/SA%2520MPNH%2520Policy%252023-6-2021%2520signed%2520Web%2520View%2520v2.pdf)*states that the country aims to cut deaths related to pregnancy and birth – of mothers and babies – at public healthcare facilities by half by 2030.* *This story was produced by the*[*Bhekisisa Centre for Health Journalism*](http://bhekisisa.org./)*. 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