--- title: "Act 1: Nathi Mthethwa and the creatives" description: "In which the minister of arts – and eight bodyguards – stages an intervention at the National Arts Council." type: "NewsArticle" publisher: "Daily Maverick" site: "https://www.dailymaverick.co.za" section: "DM168 Lampoon Post" author: "Shaun de Waal" author_url: "https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/author/shaun-de-waal/" canonical_url: "https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2021-04-11-act-1-nathi-mthethwa-and-the-creatives/" published: "2021-04-11T09:23:29" updated: "2021-04-11T18:46:12" lang: "en-ZA" word_count: 1018 --- # Act 1: Nathi Mthethwa and the creatives > In which the minister of arts – and eight bodyguards – stages an intervention at the National Arts Council. By Shaun de Waal · Published 11 April 2021, 11:23 SAST · Updated 11 April 2021, 20:46 SAST ## Content *First published in the Daily Maverick 168 weekly newspaper.* It’s well over a month since artists (“creatives”) began a sit-in/sleep-in at the offices of the National Arts Council (NAC), protesting against the maladministration of the R300-million fund meant to provide Covid-19 relief. Despite promises of an investigation and so forth by Minister of Sport, Arts and Culture Nathi “Tequila” Mthethwa, the protesters are still calling for his resignation – and they still want their money. *DM168* is now able to reveal that those unstoppable creatives have evolved a script, based on the long-awaited meeting between the protesters and the minister, and workshopped it in an effort to develop a multi-media presentation that would tell this compelling story. Here is that workshopped script. *Scene: The offices of the NAC, somewhat in disarray, with sleeping bags on the floor, empty pots of soup and stew made and delivered by supporters. Make-up bags, clothes for costume changes, etc, are strewn about.* ***Chorus of creatives, stamping their feet:****Where is Nathi? Where is Nathi? Nathi, come and hear our grievances!* ***Lead songbird (in fetching traditional headdress):****Nathi! Nathi! Where is our money?* ***Chorus:****Where is our money? Give us our money!* ***Lead songbird:****Where are those corrupt liars of the NAC? Where are they? When will they be accountable?* ***Chorus:****Accountable! Accountable!* ***Second lead songbird:****Yes, we want accountants!* ***Chorus:****Real accountants! Accountants who can count!* ***Spoken-word poet (steps forward, rattling his dreadlocks):****Count! Count! Come on, count! And count it properly! Can you count to 300 million? Count, count!* ***Lead songbird (aside):****Did he just call me a…?* ***Second lead songbird:****No, no, he’s calling on the accountants…* ***Lead songbird (aside):****Is that French? French is not an official South African language!* ***Chorus (interrupting):****Count! Count!* *Enter Mthethwa, in a blinding flash of light, with eight bodyguards.* ***Mthethwa:****Hey, cool people! I’m here to make an intervention!* *(He tries to high-five the nearest creative, who withdraws; the minister nearly loses his footing, but is rescued and supported by two bodyguards.)* ***Rapper (shouts out):****Don’t try and soft-soap us! Fair words butter no cabbage!* ***Mthethwa:****Cabbage? Who’s talking cabbage? Or soap? I’m here to make an urgent intervention.* ***Chorus:****Intervention! Intervention!* ***Lead songbird:****It’s you who needs the intervention, minister, with all due respect.* ***Chorus:****We are the intervention! We are creatives! We intervene!* ***Mthethwa:****Come on, cool people! Have a little mercy! It isn’t easy for me, you know. Let me tell you my story…* *Shouts of “Shut up!” and “We don’t want to hear your story! This is our story!”* *Some chaos, then the dancing begins again.* ***Mthethwa:****Wait, wait! I’ve come all the way from Pretoria to speak to you – let me be heard!* *The creatives subside, allow the minister to speak. He steps forward into a spotlight shining mysteriously from above.* ***Mthethwa:****Listen, listen – things are not as they used to be. No, no, not at all!* ***Chorus:****Not at all!* ***Mthethwa:****It’s not like the days when Msholozi was in charge. No, it’s quite different! Let me tell you …* *More shouts of “Shut up!” and “Damn right it’s different!” Mthethwa’s bodyguards take a step forward, finger their guns. The shouters are shushed by other creatives.* ***Lead songbird (stepping forward dramatically):****Quiet, my fellow creatives! Yes, this is our story, but the minister has a part to play. We want to hear his voice! Let no one be silenced! It’s his monologue!* *The spotlight on Mthethwa brightens, while also changing colour, warming up a bit. He is bathed in a yellow glow.* ***Mthethwa (in a heartfelt, tragic tone, beads of sweat on his forehead):****My fellow South Africans, you don’t understand … you don’t know how it is for me! It’s not like the days of Msholozi, when he was Big Chief, and I was minister of police! No, not at all! You see, Msholozi would tell me what to do. He’d give me orders – arrest that person, charge that one, send in the guys with the big guns, give more money to the slush fund, that kind of thing. I knew where I stood. I knew what I had to do! But now, oh no, it’s all different! I have to appoint committees, I have to find people with spotless reputations! I have to find chartered accountants to deal with these unchartered waters! And do I get any support from President Squirrel? No, none at all! No direction, no motivation … He never calls, he never says “Nathi, do this,” or “Nathi, do that…” He has left me high and dry! We used to just pay the slush fund and get a pat on the head! But now, no … President Squirrel is silent. No WhatsApps, no brown envelopes from Crime Intelligence – nothing! I feel like an actor without a script! What am I supposed to do? Improvise? I never attended the Market Theatre Workshop! I don’t know how to improvise! It’s like a bad dream – I’m on a stage, I have to perform, but I have been given no direction … What’s my motivation? Tell me! What’s my motivation?* ***Chorus:****What’s his motivation?* ***Lead songbird:****Shame, minister, no direction! No motivation!* ***Chorus:****No motivation!* ***Second lead songbird:****Our motivation is money! Give us our money!* ***Mthethwa:****Money? You say it’s about the money? Why didn’t someone tell me?* ***Chorus:****We told you! We told you!* ***Mthethwa:****But I was so busy writing a tweet for that funeral … I didn’t know!* ***Chorus:****Give us the money and we’ll forgive you!* ***Lead songbird (aside):****Or maybe not.* ***Mthethwa:****Okay, okay, it’s about the money. I get it now. We’ll work it out. (Speaking to his bodyguards.) Right, our work here is done. Intervention complete.* *Exit Mthethwa (on the way out, to his bodyguards): Okay, call the cops. Get them out of here.***DM168** *Shaun de Waal is a freelance writer and editor.* *This story first appeared in our weekly Daily Maverick 168 newspaper which is available for free to Pick n Pay Smart Shoppers at these Pick n Pay*[*stores*](https://168.dailymaverick.co.za/available-here.html?utm_source=Articles&utm_medium=CoverImage&utm_campaign=DM168_Stores)*.* ![Image](https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/wp-content/uploads/DM168-10042021-001-1.jpg)