First published in the Daily Maverick 168 weekly newspaper.

Love during a pandemic is no longer as easy as meeting someone` at the local bar or being introduced via mutual friends.

As lockdowns across the world were enforced to prevent the spread of Covid-19, many people went online to form and maintain romantic and platonic relationships.

The inability to go outside and socialise meant that many single people relied on dating apps to meet and connect with new people. Match.com, which owns a number of dating apps including Tinder and Hinge, reported that “average subscribers increased by 11% to 10.1 million, up from 9.1 million in the prior-year quarter”.

“There’s been an exponential growth and presence on all major dating apps because there was the huge need to connect,” said Dr Eve, an online relationship expert.

According to the dating app Bumble, the outbreak saw a 21% increase in messages being exchanged, as well as users messaging each other for longer.

“Before Covid-19, people were engaging with dating apps with the purposes of hooking up and sometimes immediately jumping into sexting; with the lockdown, people were lingering longer on the apps. There have been more emotional and in-depth conversations,” said Dr Eve.

In 2020, Amarnath Thombre, the CEO of Match Group Americas, which owns Tinder, OkCupid and Hinge, said: “Our data is showing that people are being more selective and more intentional about whom they are reaching out to in the first place. This has led to less ghosting – partly, we think, because users aren’t pursuing so many people at the same time.”

For Denford Kupa, a 28-year-old from Zimbabwe, who wasn’t as active on dating apps prior to Covid-19, the lockdown meant that he spent more time on Tinder.

“Before lockdown, I usually met people through mutual friends. Now with lockdown, I was on it more than usual. I was on Tinder mainly because I was bored and I was keen to meet some people,” Kupa told DM168.

With people confined to their homes, a number of dating apps added the option for people to match with users in other countries. “Once Tinder introduced the global mode, I was able to match with a few people in Europe and Asia,” said Kupa.

But once lockdown eased, Kupa went on a few dates at restaurants that were physically distanced. Although restaurant dates are common, Covid-19 has also forced people to come up with creative ways of going on dates. For many it’s been taking walks and being out in nature together, said Dr Eve.

Timothy (who asked for his real name to be withheld for privacy reasons), a 26-year-old from Johannesburg, said that he’d have to have three dates with someone before considering any physical contact. “It’s still a risk [to have physical contact] so if I were to be intimate with someone, it would have to be monogamous because I don’t want to hook up with her, then she goes on another date and kisses another guy. That also exposes me [to the virus],” said Timothy.

According to Match.com’s surveys, “some singles engage in an extensive screening process to determine whether to take the risk of meeting someone face to face”. This led to a number of dating apps flourishing, including the video chat option for users. Badoo was ahead of the pack, as it launched video calls on its app in 2016. In 2019, Bumble followed suit.

Suthukazi Calata, a 30-year-old from Cape Town, said that while she’s been on two dating apps in the past year, she wasn’t “interested in hanging out with people because I didn’t want to catch Covid-19”.

During Level 3 in July last year, Calata agreed to go on a few dates, which happened in restaurants and outdoors, for instance at the beach.

Calata and her dates both discussed taking precautions before their date. “My dates and I discussed lessening the number of people we’d interact with. So, if we were seeing each other soon, we agreed that for 10 days prior to meeting [we would] stay at home as much as possible,” said Calata.

“We’re human and we need those social interactions. It’s been especially hard for single people who live alone; they’ve been even more isolated,” psychologist Stephanie Sieberhagen told DM168.

Because single people’s usual ways of meeting people weren’t an option anymore, single people were resorting to forming connections off dating apps and restructuring the ways they had get-togethers. So instead of having 20 people over, people would meet in smaller groups just to fulfil that need for human interaction. Although there is still a risk, there’s also the human need for relationships, said Sieberhagen.

Across the world, the lockdown regulations resulted in many people having “skin hunger” because they aren’t getting hugged and cuddled, said Dr Eve. “I know someone who actually went out to meet someone and I thought that was so risky, but the truth is that some people really were willing to take that risk,” said Dr Eve. One of the people who risked contracting Covid-19 was Professor Neil Ferguson, who was advising the UK government on the coronavirus. In 2020 Ferguson reportedly broke lockdown rules when he had a visit from his partner, despite advocating for people to stay at home. Ferguson issued an apology, admitting that he had “made an error of judgement and took the wrong course of action”, and resigned from his post.

As for how single people should navigate finding love during a pandemic, Dr Eve said that “if someone isn’t right for you, move on to the next. Don’t dismiss the red flags and don’t let your loneliness and your need for affection override your cognitive brain.”

Because many people joined dating apps to connect online, people should also discuss whether their intentions are to have an online relationship or to eventually meet, said Dr Eve. DM168

This story first appeared in our weekly Daily Maverick 168 newspaper which is available for free to Pick n Pay Smart Shoppers at these Pick n Pay stores.