I was once involved with a dedicated polyamorist who often defended his lifestyle choices with, “I love Chinese but I’m not going to eat it every day.” What an embarrassment.

Bouncing between the new Ford Ranger Thunder and the upgraded Hilux Legend recently made me finally understand that there may have been logic to my ex’s philosophy. As I got out the Ranger to enter the Hilux, I felt like a cheating lover. You may have been involved in a situation where you love two people, you see them both through starry eyes, they both bring equally important benefits to your life, and you know – unless you’re busted – you’re never going to be able to pick one over the other. I had similar feelings trying to choose between my double cabs. 

The Toyota Hilux Legend. (Photo supplied)

My first date was with the Thunder, a more exclusive version of Ford’s celebrated Wildtrak which I took away, along with one of my human lover(s), for a dirty weekend to Touws River. Can you see how complicated this is getting? 

Although nothing has changed mechanically under his hood, the Thunder 2.0 BiTurbo10-speed Auto 4×4, with his admirable 157kW of power and 500Nm of macho torque, has upped the game in the looks department. His updated grille with red accents, a new black sports bar and darkened windows give him a beefy and rather dashing look. 

Being a girl who has always been taken up with a date’s wheels, the Thunder’s 18-inch black alloys got me all hot and sweaty. Skid plates have been added for those challenging encounters on off-road terrain. 

The Ranger Thunder has clearly paid some serious attention to his interior appeal, with new Thunder-branded seat embroidery and red contrast stitching. On the lower portion of both his front doors, there are red “Thunder” graphics. 

Ford’s infotainment tech has always been impressive so I was relieved that my Thunder wasn’t all beef with no brains as I seamlessly connected to Android Auto to add some beats to the date. There are two USB charging points and two 12V sockets in the front, along with a 12V and a 230V/150W power converter socket in the rear, allowing for multiple partner – I mean power management. 

The Thunder has some serious rear appeal in the load department with the new optional Mountain Top roller shutter which is lockable and easy to operate. There was significant rain on our steamy weekend away so I was relieved that the roller shutter made the load bay totally waterproof. 

I usually don’t go for frugal lovers but the Thunder impressed with its fuel consumption which came in at around 9l/100km. 

After an intense time, I staggered away, impressed with his power, ride comfort, suspension, intelligence and swagger on muddy off-road tracks. Ford fans will probably sympathise with my polyamory problems as they struggle to choose between the Thunder, the straight Wildtrak and the Raptor. 

The Toyota Hilux Legend. (Photo supplied)

But being an insatiable lover, hopping into the new Toyota Hilux Legend RS a few days later had me flashing my amorous eyes at the updated eighth-generation Toyota Hilux, all but forgetting my Thunder. Toyota had just had a record-breaking month of Hilux sales with a staggering 4,252 units sold in September. And that was in a Covid-wrecked economy.

Having always had a thing for the popular boys in the band, I was keen to see how the refreshed Hilux handled the tough off-road track during our morning liaison. 

Unlike the Thunder, there has been some significant work done to the Legend’s 2.8-litre engine by reconfiguring his turbocharger and unlocking 500Nm of delicious torque, which has put the two bakkie boys on an even keel. Power has increased by 30kW to 150kW, 7kW less than the Thunder. But what’s a few kilowatts between two virile bakkies? 

Looks-wise, the first thing I noticed was his bullish upscaled trapezoidal grille and fresh fender, which, along with redesigned fog lamps, manages to achieve an imposing stance that makes my knees go all weak. And then there are those new two-tone dark-hued alloys… 

I was particularly aroused by the improved suspension in my Hilux hubby by way of new suspension bushings, revised shock absorbers, dampers and retuned coil-spring rates, which all contributed to my Hilux taking me for a really smooth ride over humps, bumps and corrugated surfaces. 

On the challenging off-road track, I got to engage low range. As I scaled a sharp incline I noticed how his updated traction control really improved his performance. On intimidating downhills using DAC (downhill-assist control) – the Viagra of bakkies – I let go of all control. By simply holding his leather-wrapped steering wheel I let my Hilux take over and down he went, all swaggering and sure-footed. 

The touchy-feely part of me was tweaked to see that my Hilux’s 8-inch touchscreen was still able to be controlled by knobs by way of its conventional turn-dial volume controller. (Tactile tuning is something that is a personal favourite.) Since it was only a four-hour date, what with all that off-road play we were engaged in, I didn’t get time to hook up my phone by way of Android Auto or Bluetooth, but I have it on good authority that his nine speakers (including subwoofer) by way of a JBL sound system are more than adequate. Satellite nav is standard along with USB charging ports and a 12V socket. 

At the end of our ride, I was pretty blown away by the acrobatics of my Japanese steed. 

Before I departed after my four-hour quickie, I was left quite breathless when I got to operate his motorised roller shutter by the push of a button, linked to his central-locking system which covered the rear load area.

So, my overall verdict on choosing the American or the Japanese? Who says you can’t eat sushi and hotdogs on one big platter? DM

Pricing: 

Ford Ranger Thunder 2.0 BiT 10AT 4×4 – R811,500. 

Toyota Hilux Legend RS 2.8 GD-6 4×4 AT – R 851,100.