TGIFOOD

WHEN IN THAILAND

Eat like the locals eat (but try not to offend them)

Eat like the locals eat (but try not to offend them)
Shrimp and mango rolls. Photo: Bianca Coleman

When visiting another country, it’s polite to observe their customs and etiquette. However, the internet is a minefield of conflicting and confusing information. So for several meals in Thailand, I looked mournfully down at my empty plate, having polished off every morsel. Again.

According to one source: “Finishing all of the food on your plate indicates that you are still hungry. It is good etiquette to leave a few bites, to show your host that you are full.” But when you go to double-fact-check, you’ll find, “Try not to leave food on your plate, particularly meat and vegetables from the main dishes.” A bit of rice is all right. Luckily I was subsisting mainly on Pad Thai, the exception to many rules, including using a fork and spoon, not chopsticks. These can be used for stand-alone noodle dishes, but no need to show off.

Despite the intricacies of table manners, which are fairly obvious anyway, eating in Thailand is an absolute delight, and embarked upon with great gusto. Whether it’s street food at a night market, or a five-star buffet at a posh beach resort, there is a multitude of flavour experiences to ravish your taste buds. Here is my story, in pictures.

Bangkok

No, just no. Despite being high protein and ‘my job’, as my mother messaged me in vague disappointment, this was a bridge too far. I’m not sure if anyone actually snacks on these or if they are just for novelty value to scare tourists. You have to pay 10 baht just to take a photo.

Drive-thru: Night markets are more or less closed to vehicular traffic but the general rule – if you can call it that – is ‘if it fits, it drives’. So always be on the lookout for scooters, motorcycles and tuk-tuks.

Street fruit: No excuse not to get your five-a-day in Thailand, where fresh fruit is in abundance, from the familiar (pineapple, mango and watermelon) to the unusual, like dragon fruit and rambutan. You can buy it on any street, in any supermarket, any time, and in some restaurants it’s offered as an “amuse bouche” or palate cleanser or as a little something to finish off the meal.

Kombi nation: An innovative bar in the Khao San Road night market. Not as unique as you’d think; there were several in the area. This was the most colourful.

Street joint: Bangkok is an assault on the senses, and the low overheads mean street food is stupidly inexpensive. If you’re going to be all girly about hygiene, perhaps this isn’t the place for you. I ate with abandon with zero ill effects and one hundred percent satisfaction. Except the spring rolls from one stall. Those were a fail.

Smile: This man was selling his pork satays outside the skytrain station near the Chao Phraya river in Bangkok. Pork is ‘moo’ in Thai, which can get confusing if you think it’s beef. The satays were delicious, and I asked him to smile for the photo. This is him smiling.

River lunch & market: In Bangkok I took a hop-on hop-off boat trip on Chao Phraya. One of the stops was the flower market which has a few food stalls and dozens upon dozens of stalls laden with marigolds, which are presented to Buddha or used to adorn tuk-tuks, for general all-round good luck. I picked up these rice paper spring rolls filled with crab and crunchy vegetables for next to nothing, and ate them on the boat.

Pad Thai Street/Pad Thai (above and below): From the very first night I got stuck into the Pad Thai. First from a night market in the old town part of Bangkok, where it costs about R20, followed by a massage across the road, maybe another R100; and later from The Secret Garden on Koh Samui where I became as much as a regular as one can in a few days. A full body massage (which is akin to a yoga workout) under the swaying palm trees was less than R200.

Koh Samui

Breakfast/Another breakfast (above and below): Fried rice topped with eggs like this, or in omelette form, was a quick breakfast favourite for me. To change things up a bit, beautifully cut pineapple (bought) and the sweetest mango I’ve ever tasted, hacked up by me with a kitchen knife.

Barracuda: Not Thai cuisine, but very tasty barracuda from an Italian restaurant on Koh Samui, called L’Ancora, owned by one Massimo. Some people travel to experience the exotic tastes of foreign lands, while others seek out their comfort zone. Anywhere in the world can offer a wide variety of global cooking, and Thailand is no exception. There’s no judgement here.

Buffet: This meaty offering was at the Barefoot Beach Buffet at Belmond Napasai on Koh Samui. Best pork ribs ever, hands down.

Shrimp and mango rolls. Photo: Bianca Coleman

Shrimp & mango rolls: Shrimp and mango rolls were also on the buffet, and it feels almost like a sin to disturb the lovely presentation. Almost, but not quite. They were delicious.

But it’s yellow: For some reason, every farang I meet is fascinated by these yellow watermelons. Farang is the Thai word for anyone non-Thai or non-Asian. It’s not derogatory, it’s just what they call us. Even farang living in Thailand will refer to others of their ilk the same way.

Coffee view: Come on, how ridiculously amazing is this? Breakfast and coffee on the water’s edge, with the Big Buddha in the background. It’s not the biggest Buddha in Thailand by any stretch, nor even on Koh Samui, but that’s what it’s called and I’m not arguing.

Durian: Whoever the first person was to look at this fruit and decide to cut it open to see what it tasted like must have been very hungry. Everything about the durian says ‘don’t!’. Its spiky exterior hides a stinky flesh which is banned on almost all public transport and enclosed spaces. It’s quite expensive, relatively speaking, and tastes exactly like it smells. I am not a fan.

Saba poke: This is a poke bowl I bought at a supermarket. It had salmon, and saba (mackerel), which is widely caught in the sea near Japan, and I am very sad I only got this bowl and not an entire fish, which was also available. There was a dollop of unidentifiable but yummy green stuff which I later found out was seaweed. Fabulous.

My Pad Thai and Tom Yum Koong: Thai food is incredibly healthy and rests on the balanced pillars of sweet, salty, sour and bitter, and sometimes, but not always, spicy heat. This is entirely optional, and you can decide if you’re brave enough to order ‘Thai style’. I am not.

The cooking class I did at Belmond Napasai on Koh Samui included four dishes of my choice: Moo Manow (pork with lime and spices), Tom Yum Koong (hot and spicy soup with prawns), Massaman pork curry (mild and creamy), and of course, my favourite Pad Thai, in this case with chicken, or gai. It’s not actually native to Thailand, probably being of Chinese origin, but you’ll find it everywhere and I’m crazy about it.

The nice lady who guided me through this course was named Kai. “Like chicken,” she said helpfully. That’s the thing with the language; to us farang, many words will sound the same but the tiniest inflection can mean something entirely different. Another example is rice (khao) and knee. Sorry, I have no idea how to spell the latter.

Fast food: I was fascinated by the packet food in supermarkets and convenience stores. Having no idea what to expect was half the fun, but when I opened the Munday salmon skin snacks and virtually inhaled them I was sad not to find them anywhere else again. It’s a gamble you have to take. Those little peanuts in the bottom right-hand corner were also fiendishly good.

The class was a huge success, mainly because all the ingredients were supplied and measured out, and Kai handed each one to me and told me what to do with it. However, the final balance of flavours was left up to me and I have to say I was thrilled with the outcome, even if Kai did laugh hysterically at my fear of the chilli. DM

Gallery

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