Afghanistan’s reigning pain-in-the-arse organisation has announced a Spring offensive. The campaign will target foreign military personnel, according to the Taliban’s officials. Although this will probably target local American and other forces in the country, tackling foreign militant groups is evidently not a priority at all.

Tech giant Microsoft’s end-of-quarter net profit hit an impressive $4.8-billion, but fell shorter of anticipated targets. Cloud computing and revenue from Linkedin were majority contributors to the company’s earnings. Shares fell 1.8%, however, at the announcement.

United Airlines has reached a rather swift settlement with passenger David Dao. Dao was dragged off his flight and beaten by security for refusing to “voluntarily” give up his seat. United has since become possibly the world’s worst PR disaster of 2017, sparking worldwide outrage at its draconian treatment of passengers. Dao, meanwhile, has opted not to disclose the amount paid in the settlement. “Humungous wads of cash” is a  logical working estimate thus far.

A British inventor has successfully tested a flying “suit”. Taking off in Vancouver Harbour, Richard Browning was able to lift off with his arm and back-mounted jet-pack suit in front of a TED audience. No word yet on the progress of the plasma guns.

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