Taliban announce Spring offensive, Microsoft profits soar, and Iron Man jetsuit takes to the sky.
TGIF, 28 April 2017
“Oh farmers, pray that your summers be wet and your winters clear.”
President Jacob Zuma’s big dreams for a nuclear programme have been set back after the Western Cape high court found the co-operation agreements with Russia to be unconstitutional and unlawful. Now he might have another problem with the courts after ANC secretary-general Gwede Mantashe exposed a falsehood in the President’s papers before the Constitutional Court. Is it a question of semantics and interpretation or was Zuma and/or his lawyers deliberately trying to mislead the highest court of the land?
Taliban announces Spring offensive
Afghanistan’s reigning pain-in-the-arse organisation has announced a Spring offensive. The campaign will target foreign military personnel, according to the Taliban’s officials. Although this will probably target local American and other forces in the country, tackling foreign militant groups is evidently not a priority at all.
Microsoft profits soar
Tech giant Microsoft’s end-of-quarter net profit hit an impressive $4.8-billion, but fell shorter of anticipated targets. Cloud computing and revenue from Linkedin were majority contributors to the company’s earnings. Shares fell 1.8%, however, at the announcement.
United reaches settlement with beaten passenger
United Airlines has reached a rather swift settlement with passenger David Dao. Dao was dragged off his flight and beaten by security for refusing to “voluntarily” give up his seat. United has since become possibly the world’s worst PR disaster of 2017, sparking worldwide outrage at its draconian treatment of passengers. Dao, meanwhile, has opted not to disclose the amount paid in the settlement. “Humungous wads of cash” is a logical working estimate thus far.
Inventor takes flight with Iron Man suit
A British inventor has successfully tested a flying “suit”. Taking off in Vancouver Harbour, Richard Browning was able to lift off with his arm and back-mounted jet-pack suit in front of a TED audience. No word yet on the progress of the plasma guns.
The number of bibles sent to Romania by the United States during the Cold War. Romania converted them into toilet paper due to critical shortages.
FACTS OF THE DAY
Today in 1923 Wembley Stadium (originally named Empire Stadium) is opened.
Donald Trump is the first American president not to own a dog since William McKinley in 1901.
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