Ag shame.

That little South Africanism is probably the best way to sum up the current state of South African rugby. It’s not that we didn’t see this coming. It’s just that it’s here now and since we expend so much energy getting angry about politics and the economy, we’ve resigned ourselves to pity.

Poor old Allister Coetzee inherited a poisoned chalice. Even if the Boks were winning, but playing the Stormers-style defensive skop, skiet and donner kind of rugby, people would still be angry.

And so, the Boks are off on their end-of-year adventure and even the most ardent Bok supporters have probably decided not to get their hopes up, despite Eddie Jones’ mind games. As IOL’s Jacques van der Westhuyzen warned in his column, there is no point in getting your hopes up over the next month or so, because you’ll only be disappointed.

Ag shame.

Jones has already had the first laugh, of course. He was in charge when South Africa managed to lose to Japan during last year’s Rugby World Cup. He’ll be looking for the last laugh, too, when South Africa take on England next weekend. Jones has a few advantages, chief among them an extra week to prepare for the Test while South Africa faff around with a match against the Barbarians. Not that the Baabaas fixture is such a bad thing, it might offer a glimpse into the future – with Pat Lambie at the helm… or is that hell?

This move left Garrin Lambley over at Sport24 wondering if anybody actually knows what the hell they are doing.

Wondering just why SA Rugby decided to name Lambie as captain, ahead of the team announcement on Thursday, Lambley writes: “It may of course make more sense if Lambie is being considered as a long-term national captain and being groomed on this tour for higher honours once (Adriaan) Strauss hangs up his boots at the end of the season – but no mention of that.”

The offending release also talks about Lambie’s credentials and understanding culture and all that other PR waffle that often gets loaded into releases. There’s also a mention of “succession plans” and “support” from Adriaan Strauss, but it seems a whole lot of huff and puff for what is, in essence, a fairly insignificant outing for the Boks.

So insignificant, in fact, that a large group of the South African contingent (those who play for clubs in Europe and Japan) will only link up with the team on Sunday as Coetzee merrily sips from that chalice. Did SA Rugby learn nothing about what delayed planning leads to when they only made the worst-kept-secret coach announcement a few weeks before the Boks were due for duty?

Whatever the situation, it suits England just fine. Despite their injury woes, Jones, ever the innovator, has ushered in support in the form of Rugby League coach Jason Ryles. Can you imagine South Africa ever resorting to such? The answer is no because South African suits are still confused about what kind of sporting code rugby league actually is.

Jones, though, does not rest on his laurels. Despite England making three times as many tackles as Australia when they beat them in Melbourne, Jones wants the defence to sharpen up even more.

“We want to bring that harder edge towards our defence so Jason’s in for a couple of weeks to assist Paul Gustard, I think he’ll make a hell of a difference,” Jones told England Rugby’s official website.

“To beat the Springboks we need our defence to be absolutely brutal, and that’s something we’ll be practising this week.”

Over on SARugbyMag, Jon Cardinelli is as pessimistic as the rest of us and urges Coetzee himself to take some responsibility for the hot mess.

“Past Bok coaches have been similarly limited by the system, and have still managed to field competitive teams that have maintained a high standard of play. Coetzee and his lieutenants have been exposed thus far, and may find it hard to redeem themselves on a demanding tour to the north.”

This is a fair point, but it seems that the more other teams have evolved, the more the Boks – and the systems that feed them – have been exposed. This decline did not start with Coetzee, it started during the Heyneke Meyer era and although the walkie-talkie abuser has much to answer for, he also got the short end of the stick in his latter days as coach. Coetzee has already admitted that the Boks are not fit enough and will hopefully soon channel his inner Ray Jennings – no sandwiches for any of you if you play badly with shuttle runs and burpees as extra punishment.

But maybe the Boks won’t need to do those shuttle runs because they’ll be so exhausted with mental gymnastics trying to figure out what the hell is going on. That’s what Gavin Rich focuses on at SuperSport.com.

Rich wonders what happens when Handré Pollard returns and how Lambie as future captain might get in the way of Pollard’s ambitions. But the confusion doesn’t end there, as the scribe points out:

“There is understandable confusion over the international future of Duane Vermeulen, who is not on this tour. However, he would be a leadership candidate if he is back in the green and gold next year, and like Pollard’s candidacy for the No 10 jersey raises question marks over Lambie’s suitability for the role, Vermeulen does the same for the claims of Lions captain Warren Whiteley.”

Oh, that chalice Allister is drinking from.

Ag shame. DM

Every week, The Paper Round takes a look at a sport story and how it has been covered and dissected in the papers, both nationally and internationally. If you would like to suggest a topic to cover in next week’s edition, email [email protected]

Photo: Dejected South African players during the 2016 The Castle Lager Rugby Championship match between South Africa and New Zealand at Kings Park Stadium, Durban South Africa on 08 October 2016 ©Muzi Ntombela/BackpagePix