THE ‘SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES’ AWARD

Gold medal:

This one goes to the #RememberKhwezi protesters, who said nothing, but simply dressed in black and displayed placards remembering President Zuma’s rape accuser during his speech at the announcement of the election results.

Silver:

Members of the crowd who began walking out during Zuma’s speech at the party’s manifesto launch.

THE ‘PROMISES, PROMISES’ AWARDS (We’re holding you to these, guys)

Gold medal:

The ANC will expand our already significant public employment programme and we aim to provide six-million work opportunities. The majority of these jobs will be reserved for young people. We are also increasing the number of training and skilling opportunities for young people throughout the state-owned enterprises and other government entities. Our infrastructure programme continues to generate massive numbers of sustainable jobs. – President Jacob Zuma, ANC manifesto launch

Silver and bronze:

The EFF’s contestation of power through elections should not be mistaken with our revolutionary determination to remove the current government by any other revolutionary means. That this is the number one aim and objective of the EFF is important. – CIC Julius Malema, EFF manifesto launch

Then…

The EFF’s revolutionary programme will always be rooted in mass organisation and activism, superior logic and taking the people along. The EFF will never forcefully impose its programme on the majority against their will… – Malema, same speech

The EFF municipalities and councillors will report on a monthly basis of their plans and programmes to create jobs and provide services to the people. The EFF councillors will be obliged to hold at least one community meeting per month to report back to the people and take the issues that affect the people to the relevant authorities. – Malema

Only the EFF can deliver jobs. We are saying to all of you, a better life is coming. – Malema

We will fight to give metros control over train services, so that we can run them better and make public transport truly integrated. Everyone knows that Metrorail needs the DA to make it work properly for our people. The DA difference also means giving more families a home to call their own. – DA leader Mmusi Maimane

These are men and women who will serve you diligently, sparing no effort to ensure qualitative capacity to execute their duties. They are going to serve the interests of our people. – Paul Mashatile on the ANC municipal candidates

We have heard your concerns about the manner in which councillors were chosen in the past. It is for this reason that we have involved communities in the process of nominating candidates for the forthcoming 2016 municipal elections. This has helped in choosing the best candidates to be ANC public representatives… Going forward, we will require councillors to sign performance and accountability agreements. – Zuma, ANC manifesto launch

In the next five years, we will expand the electrification programme to the remaining areas and will roll out solar energy in certain areas… To promote food security, the ANC will provide residents with information about programmes on sustainable agriculture and rural development. We will assist rural smallholder farmers to access municipal land for food production and sustainable agriculture. – Zuma, ANC manifesto launch

Trust us to drive good governance in every municipality. Trust us to make job creation the number one priority of all IFP municipalities. Trust us to speed up the provision of decent housing, without red tape, illegal tenders or false promises. Everyone needs a home, not just a few! Trust us to respect the rule of law and create security in your community so that everyone can be, and feel, safe. Our women and children should feel safe in our streets. [And] trust us to select candidates who will work for you. All IFP candidates will sign a contract of good governance, which the party will ensure is adhered to. – Mangosuthu Buthelezi, IFP election manifesto

When we take power, it will not be through the barrel of a gun. It will be the result of millions of South Africans coming together and casting their votes for change. – Mmusi Maimane, DA election manifesto launch

Our manifesto recognises that jobs are created by small businesses and not by government. The DA will bring jobs to your area by attracting, and supporting, new small businesses. This begins with fixing the basics: making your area clean and safe, with good affordable transport, high-speed internet, and stable electricity and water supply… In short, we will become a partner to entrepreneurs, not an obstacle. – Maimane

I’m not out there to purge. There’s this misinformed rumour that the DA is out to purge the municipality. That’s not true. – Maimane

THE ‘DON’T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS’ AWARDS

Gold medal:

The DA will do much worse than they expect. – Gwede Mantashe to Stephen Grootes, Midday Report

Silver and bronze:

We are steadfast of an election victory and talks about coalition make us look like we are running some kind of stokvel. – Regional task team convener Vuyani Limba on Nelson Mandela Bay, adding that the party was confident it could secure a 65% majority

If we get less than what we got in 2014, we must forget about 2019. But if we triple those numbers and increase significantly, then come 2019, we are the biggest players in the political space. – Malema

We said we would contest across the entire country, wall to wall. The fact that we managed to achieve it was nothing short of a miracle. We have actually managed to cover the country, and no party can cover the entire country, not even the ANC. We have come very, very close. – Dali Mpofu to Stephen Grootes, Midday report

The bottom line is that there is no clear winner. The DA cannot claim that they have won Tshwane. They have not won Tshwane. They cannot govern. This includes the Nelson Mandela Bay. They still need to negotiate…You can have the majority percentage‚ but opposition parties can come together and outlarge you and you cannot govern. – ANC spokesman in Gauteng, Nkenke Kekana

THE ‘GLASS HALF FULL’ AWARD

Gold medal:

Zizi Kodwa, for pointing out that, in terms of numbers, the ANC had more voters than ever.

THE ‘IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU’ AWARDS

Gold medal (tie):

Maimane must accept he is a lost feather flying in the air not knowing where it will land. – Zuma

I have often asked someone why we chose him as ANC chairperson. Were we sleeping at that time? I see him in Parliament, he looks like he is losing his mind. – Zuma on Mosiuoa Lekota

Silver and bronze:

He [Malema] has cleverly positioned himself as Zuma’s direct rival, the corruption buster who is policing the tainted president. So strongly has he played this card that his own past indiscretions are long forgotten. – Mondli Makhanya, City Press

On 3 August we are not going to bury [the ANC] but we are going to unveil its tombstone. – Malema

The EFF is an angry organisation formed by an angry young man. He was kicked out and he came out angry. He is still angry today. I have never seen such a thing. – Zuma

The DA is running short of heroes and now it claims Mandela. They are the ones who incarcerated him for 27 years… A snake gives birth to another snake. – Zuma

Every time the DA opens its mouth, it speaks about the ANC. That is the same thing that the National Party used to do. It has that hate because it does not believe that black people could govern. – Zuma

The ANC reminded us over and over again that apartheid could make a comeback in the same way that eradicated diseases like smallpox and rinderpest could still return. – Mondly Makhanya, City Press

It was a little ironic that the signal of “maturity” was the fact that the ANC lost key metros. – Ray Hartley, Sunday Times

Jacob Zuma doesn’t believe that black people can lead white people, and that we can work together. His mind is oppressed. – Maimane

Can the ruling party be so tone deaf to the disbelief and distrust citizens have towards it that it expects us to believe, without reason, that it will be able to meet these promises any better than it has in the past? – Mamphela Ramphele

[It is] political conspiracy. – Malema, on allegations of corruption relating to several tenders that were issued by the Limpopo provincial government

THE ‘WTF?’ AWARDS

Gold medal:

There are people laughing saying that councillors are fighting. The reason that you can see there are councillors who can fight and challenge the system and complain that the system was not followed tells you how matured we are. There is a democratic system. That is what distinguishes the ANC from the others. – Zuma [Pity about those pesky murders – Ed]

Silver and bronze:

All those issues will be considered, particularly in urban areas, but there are factors, but they’re not the sole factors that are costing us. – Mantashe on Nkandla [Say that again… slowly? – Ed]

[Those supporting the DA] are going backwards when all of us are going forward. All we hear from them is “Zuma, Nkandla and corruption”. – Zuma

HONOURABLE MENTION (GENERAL) – THE ANC WOMEN’S LEAGUE

We take exception to what the IEC has done and we demand that the chairperson of the IEC apologises to the president. We are not going to change that demand, it must be done with immediate effect. – League President Bathabile Dlamini on #RememberKhwezi

We are trivialising the issues of gender-based violence. It [the protest] was about the president of the country. The president went to court. Therefore, being opportunistic and diverting the attention of the nation because the EFF did not even win one municipality…. Everyone wants to resuscitate a story [from] long ago. It died because the president went to court. – Dlamini blames the EFF for the silent protest

ANC women outraged, Zulu says the head of state of any country would not be treated this way. – Tweet from eNCA following the protest

THE REALITY CHECK AWARDS

Gold medal:

There is a wonderful saying that you can fool some of the people some of the time; you can even fool all of the people some of the time; but you can’t fool all the people all the time. The years of corruption and mismanagement of the Jacob Zuma government have taken their toll on the once proud organisation that was the ANC. – Anglican Archbishop Emeritus Njongonkulu Ndungane

Silver and bronze:

It was no surprise that we ended up with the results that we did, all of us with no one going beyond 45% mark. – Thoko Didiza

Major decisions will have to be taken about the conduct of the leadership, notably the president himself will have to do some self-examination. – Ben Turok

It is painful to say this but, two decades after the birth of our democracy, Bantu Education is alive and well. – Mmusi Maimane

Just last week the DA’s mayoral candidate for Ekhurhuleni, the Struggle-surnamed Ghaleb Cachalia, said that two planned meetings there had to be abandoned. In both cases, it was people, again, wearing ANC T-shirts. When asked if this was indeed the case, the regional head of the ANC in Ekhurhuleni, Mzwandile Masina (who is also a DTI deputy minister, ally of Zuma and former convenor of the task team that ran the ANC Youth League for a time) said that his members had only gathered to defend a clinic from the DA. He then said they had been told the DA was going to burn down this clinic. We have seen many things in our politics, but one thing that we have not seen is the DA ever threatening, or actually carrying out, any act of violence or destruction. To do so would be to cost them votes in the rule-abiding middle classes that they crave so much. – Stephen Grootes, Daily Maverick

THE ‘PUBLIC HAS SPOKEN’ AWARDS

Winner:

Is he sending a message to the president? – Overheard in Sea Point, Cape Town, when a passerby was spotted carrying a giant crucifix on his back

Silver:

Women protest naked: Not like this

Women press charges: Prove it

Women keep silent: Speak Up

Women speak up: Not Now

– BaconFatty_Nisa on Twitter, commenting on #RememberKhwezi ahead of Women’s Day

THE ‘CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE’ AWARDS

Gold medal:

The average life expectancy increased from 53 years in 2004 to 62 years in 2015. The massive rollout of HIV and AIDS treatment since 2009 has contributed to this dramatic improvement in the health of our people. – Zuma

Silver and bronze:

Through social grants, the expanded public works programme, the indigent policy and many other pro-poor policies, we have alleviated the social and economic living conditions of many families in distress. The majority of the 16,000 beneficiaries of social grants are orphans and vulnerable children. – Zuma

Over the past five years an organisation called Ratings Africa has been analysing South Africa’s big municipalities, ranking them according to their financial management… At the top of this list you’ll find the DA-run City of Cape Town with a score of 75 out of 100. Two months ago an independent research group released a report on the performance of all 234 municipalities in South Africa… nine out of the 10 best municipalities in South Africa are run by the DA. – Maimane

I was reading about the “big three” and laughing because the EFF is now one of the big three. – Dali Mpofu

We are definitely going to win some municipalities… Good money is us playing a kingmaker role, if we do not win outright… it is a very powerful position to be in. – Mpofu

AND THE ‘PANTS ON FIRE’ AWARDS’ GO TO…

Gold medal:

We are likely to pronounce as ANC GP in the morning at the IEC result centre Auckland after 10:00. We will indicate exact time timeously! There will also be a celebration party in the afternoon. – Gauteng ANC media group WhatsApp, sent by spokesman Nkenke Kekana

Later that day…

The African National Congress notes information being circulated on social media platforms suggesting the organisation has cancelled a “victory party” supposedly to be held following the announcement of the election results. The information is incorrect and pure conjecture… no concrete plans had yet been made in this regard. – National ANC spokesman Zizi Kodwa

Silver and bronze:

The ANC Youth League has cancelled a media briefing on the organisation’s thoughts about the elections. Citing a diary clash with president Collen Maine, the ANCYL perhaps have a separate lunch date involving humble pie. – John Stupart, Daily Maverick, on the above [humble pie generally goes very well with that egg on one’s face – Ed]

Employment is now higher than it has ever been. – President Jacob Zuma, ANC manifesto launch [Should we send him this? – Ed]

Just for laughs…

BEST ELECTION PICK-UP LINES

Gold medal:

Hey, did you vote for COPE because you’re 1 in a million? #VotingPickupLines

— Flora make beats (@TweepFlow) August 3, 2016

Silver and bronze:

#CoalitionLoveSongs – There goes my everything! ANC to Tshwane

— SELLO MOHALE (@sellopat) August 8, 2016

Hey girl, you be Zille and I’ll be Ramphele… #votingpickuplines

— Matt Young (@MattYoungZA) August 3, 2016

Hey, did you vote for COPE because you’re 1 in a million? #VotingPickupLines

— Flora make beats (@TweepFlow) August 3, 2016

@bechillcomedian If I said you had a beautiful trade body, would you vote it against me? #votingpickuplines

— Jamie Firth (@mrjfirth) June 23, 2016

BEST COALITION LOVE SONGS

Gold medal:

realMartinTagg @martintagg

Maimane’s too tight to mention #CoalitionLoveSongs

4:57 PM – 7 Aug 2016

Silver and bronze:

M-Pillow-ZAR @diamondqueenlyf

ANC 2 ANC “I’m looking at the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways” #CoalitionLoveSongs

With all this up and down talk the past few days, I wonder which parties will subsequently be singing Weekend Special #CoalitionLoveSongs

— carien du plessis (@carienduplessis) August 8, 2016

#CoalitionLoveSongs – There goes my everything! ANC to Tshwane

— SELLO MOHALE (@sellopat) August 8, 2016

(Clowns to the left of me/ Jokers to the right) Here I am stuck in the middle with you – Stealers Wheel #CoalitionLoveSongs

— Lester Kiewit (@lesterkk) August 7, 2016

DM