Words cannot capture the turmoil, confusion, shame and pain that have been hanging over our country these past few weeks. I struggle to find the words to articulate all of those emotions or just how I feel. I struggle especially because I have always been made welcome, and I have always been made to feel like I belong when I interact with my African brothers and sisters. I wonder: why do we do this to our own; why do we hurt each other with such abandon?

In the early hours of Saturday morning, I received an email from Cameroon. The email was a plea to help a fellow brother who had relocated to South Africa in 2014. The call to help was for a young man, a journalist, who had made the difficult choice to relocate to South Africa with the idea of creating a better life. This is not a unique story, but rather this is our story – it is a story of hope and the belief that you can create a better life elsewhere.

In the early hours of 18 April, thugs stormed into his home in Jeppestown with the intention to kill him, and destroy that hope, but fortunately my young African brother was able to make it out of his home. In the twilight of 18 April, he found his way safely to the Jeppestown Police Station.

My African brother was joined there by dozens of others hoping to find safety and thereafter trying to figure out how best to piece together their lives once more.

I made a few phone calls, sent a few messages and emails, and within an hour I was not only confronted by the darkness of what had been done by South Africans to our fellow Africans, but I was also provided with insights about how many people across Johannesburg, Durban and other places are trying to help those who no longer feel safe in our country.

We were able to find our young brother a place of safety and, through this, have been able to reflect the better traits of South Africa to him to those in Cameroon who know him.

We have been able to provide them with the reassurance that these thugs do not act in our name, that we have no place for them in our hearts and that we are doing everything possible to root them out. We must also acknowledge that there is so much more for us to do – we must dig deep and tackle these issues that make us hate each other and others so much that we resort to violence in such a brutal way.

The harm that has been inflicted on our African brothers and sisters is inexcusable. It is a harm that will linger with us long after order has been restored. Several people have already lost their lives in these recent attacks, more than 5,000 people have been displaced, and homes and shops have been looted and often destroyed in flames.

It is a sad reminder that we often fail to keep track of our own history. After all, there is so much to be outraged about, and we often seem to forget the important things. We forget that the struggle against Apartheid was not just our struggle, but rather that it was the struggle by Africa for Africa.

We move from crisis to crisis, never really resolving any of the issues or uncovering the root cause of the problem. The inevitable has been realised, and we find ourselves here again because we have not done enough to address the issues of xenophobia. We must be reminded that 62 people were killed in the 2008 xenophobic attacks and that deadly violence erupted in Soweto in January, which claimed the lives of – among others – two teenagers.

There are many questions, but we will not find the answers. This moment cannot be explained away. This moment reflects how broken we are as a society. This is not the first time that we have been warned. We see the warnings in the growing inequality, we see it in the high level of domestic violence, we see it in the corrective rapes, and we see it in the unwavering patriarchy. These attacks will not fade away into the recesses of our memory. Rather, these violent attacks will now hang heavy over every interaction we have on the continent and with each other.

The harm we have inflicted on our own is already playing out across the continent. We see it in Mozambique, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Botswana and Nigeria and elsewhere in the world.

We will be reminded about how South Africans, described as “a small minority” or “the tiny few”, have wreaked havoc not only on the lives of the 5,000 Africans they have displaced, but that they have forever changed how people will perceive us.

This is our burden to carry, and carry it we must. This may not have been under our guidance, but it was perpetrated by South Africans on our brothers and sisters. We must make peace with this evil and confront it if we are ever going to root out xenophobia.

In these moments, we yearn for answers, and we look for leadership. We need it because these moments are overwhelming.

The 2008 xenophobic attacks that plagued our country are slightly different to the latest xenophobic attacks, specifically in how our leaders are dealing with the issue.

In 2008 it was reported that 1,400 suspects had been arrested in connection with the violence, with around 128 having been convicted by our criminal justice system.

A key difference today is that government and the African National Congress are now beginning to call these “xenophobic” attacks and trying to mount a campaign against xenophobia. This is a step in the right direction by our government – perhaps not enough – where it now acknowledges this issue publicly, because only then can we really begin to deal with what it is to be xenophobic.

The aftermath of the xenophobic attacks is not simply a numbers game, but rather it is about how we as South Africans can reassure our brothers and sisters and the world that we are able to craft a better way forward.

Will our African brothers and sisters be willing to forgive us?

The reassurance cannot simply be about solidarity, calls for #NoToXenophobia or the humanitarian efforts to help those who have been displaced and attacked.

The effort must be for South Africans to use this tragedy as an opportunity for deep introspection. It is a moment where we can hold each other accountable, especially those who hold important positions in our society, and it is a moment in which we must challenge each other to ensure that meaningful steps are taken to help those we have allowed to be attacked.

Over the weekend, Home Affairs Minister Gigaba announced that around 307 suspects had been arrested as part of the government’s effort to clamp down on the xenophobic attacks. There is much to be reassured about, there are a number of arrests that have taken place, and it would appear government is taking this seriously.

We must remember that this is bigger than just numbers. This must be about how we substantively and meaningfully address the issues that have allowed this violence to unfold in our country. This is a duty not only for our government, but for all South Africans. We deserve better, but also owe our brothers and sisters so much more.

However, there are moments when our government slides back from the position of calling this what it is, by re-introducing their argument of “criminal elements” or “criminality”.

I think it is safe to say we can all accept that the issues around xenophobia are ugly, complex and layered within our socio-economic realities. If we do not deal with the complexity of xenophobia and the underlying issues ,then it is likely that we will see a repetition of the attacks of May 2008 or January or April 2015.

We cannot continue hurting each other in this way. DM