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Cape Town Recovery Film Festival: A Frank talk about addiction

Cape Town Recovery Film Festival: A Frank talk about addiction

Addiction is one of South Africa’s most endemic problems. The Cape Town Recovery Film Festival tackles this topic head-on. MARELISE VAN DER MERWE talks to the unlikely anti-hero of one of its documentaries, ‘May I be Frank’.

At 54 years old, Sicilian Frank Ferrante is morbidly obese, a drug addict, a boozer, pre-diabetic and on chemotherapy. Yeah, we also thought he sounds like kind of a fun guy. Just kidding. He’s also kind of obnoxious. He’s loud; says what he thinks, anyway. He certainly hides behind the funny. He makes foreskin jokes.

But Frank has a soft little heart under all those layers of joking, boozing and stubborn flab. He wants to fall in love before he dies, but thinks nobody will love him the way he is – fat, loud and messy. Truth be told, this writer thinks he’s being too hard on himself; he seems like a sweet guy, actually; and he’s honest with himself. But when he stumbles into a vegan café in San Fransisco one day (how?!) he meets three twenty-something squeaky-cleans and makes a deal with them that together, they will change his life.

This is the beginning of the documentary (and book) May I be Frank, which is being screened at the Cape Town Recovery Film Festival at the Labia Theatre on Sunday 28 September at 16:00. Honestly, it’s pretty funny. It’s also moving. Ferrante is the most unlikely hero you could imagine. You cringe with him as the vegan superheroes and flabby Frank take on the project of a lifetime: turning Frank into a lean, mean gratitude machine. They want him off his pills, and fast. They want him to stop boozing and smell the flowers. They want him to put down the drugs and find love. By gum, they want him to drink wheatgrass.

And drink it he does. He also goes for some rather forebrain-searing colonic treatments and has to say a series of terrifying-sounding affirmations to teach him to love himself before he dies. And of course, the upshot is that he manages to save his own life. Does he fall in love? We don’t do spoilers here. But what we do is interviews, so here’s Frank, from the horse’s mouth, on the most unlikely journey to recovery – from the most unimaginable hero.

You were pretty vocal on your first day of detox. Honestly – what went through your head the first time you tasted a green smoothie?!

I’m assuming you mean the wheatgrass? My first reaction wasn’t a thought. It was revulsion. It tasted like spiteful poison. I should have had an inkling when they kept telling me how good it was for me. I never imagined it would taste that bad. Some people say it tastes sweet. I don’t hang out with those people. It still tastes terrible to me.

How about the first time you recited an affirmation?

I absolutely hated doing the affirmations. The experience felt unnatural and disingenuous. But that was partly what the film was about; taking contrary action. My best thinking got me to the unhealthy state I was in. To get better, I had to step out of my comfort zone and surrender to a new way of being. A broken mind cannot heal itself.

What’s it like when your crutches – food, drugs etc. – are first stripped away?

Food, drugs, booze – or whatever the addiction – are symptomatic of a deeper underlying condition. The booze or drugs are neutral. The mind has the glitch. When I took the drugs and booze out of the equation, I was horrified to learn that the problem wasn’t vodka or cocaine. The problem was my thinking. My mind wasn’t working for my best interest. After I got sober, addiction expressed itself in other ways. I have spent most of my life transcending one addiction or another. The aspiration is to be neutral: neither attracted nor repelled by the powder or liquid. The middle path. To get to a place of peace and compassion for others and for myself.

You speak about it as a process. How long did it actually take you to feel better?

‘Process’ is the operative word. Some days are better than others. As an addict, I wanted to feel good right away and all the time. That’s immature and unrealistic. There are times in life when sadness is appropriate. Grief is a sacred part of life. To be fully alive is to risk sharing your heart fully. That’s courage. Exposing your heart irrespective of the outcome. Sadness is a normal part of life. Coddling your neurosis is not.

We’re screening the film as part of the Recovery Film Festival in Cape Town. What would you say you were recovering from?

I am recovering from the first half of my life.

I want to come back to the affirmations. I can’t imagine how crappy it must be to stand in front of a mirror in front of a camera and a crew and repeat self-affirming statements. How did you get through that?

I was committed. I didn’t like it one bit. Getting through it was like powering through that last push-up.

What did they do for you, really? Can you tell me more about that process?

It’s never just one thing. The affirmations were a component in a series of behavioural shifts. Just think of how many times a day you say something or think something negative about yourself. You might think, “Oh man, I look like shit.” Or, “I was so stupid” and not give it a second thought. But start affirming yourself and people say you’re crazy. Affirmations are a way of practising a new way of thinking and hopefully a new way of being.

Did you ever want to give up?

Yes. There were times when I craved a huge chicken sandwich with mayonnaise oozing from the sides. But I kept my word.

What made you agree to make a film about your process?

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I knew I needed to create a shift in my life. None of us had any filmmaking experience whatsoever. I had no idea what I was signing up for. Neither did the boys. The film is a testament to idealism. Idealism is when the vision has more power than the perceived obstacles.

How do you feel when you look back at yourself at your starting point?

What a long, strange trip it’s been.

Does it frustrate you when the film is touted as a weight-loss story – do you feel as though people are rather missing the point?

Hell, man! I’m in a film and get to talk to people about redemption. Upset, surely you jest!

What are some of the stories that you’ve shared with other people in recovery?

The nature of the film inspires people to share deeply personal stories. I have shared and heard stories of forgiveness, redemption, madness, addiction, recovery, cruelty imposed upon me and cruelty inflicted on others. I shared stories about life.

If someone asked you again, now, what you still wanted to do before you died, what would your answer be?

I would like to die without any regrets. But as far as bucket list stuff: I would like to ride the Darjeeling Express through India… I’d like to live in Sicily for a year. Write another book. Sail the Mediterranean with [my loved ones]. There’s more. But that will do for now.

In South Africa, poverty is an enormous problem and so is addiction. The circumstances around recovery are often strained. What would you suggest to someone who’s poor, addicted, and has no Gratitude Café as a first step?

Café Gratitude introduced me to a new conversation about health. But they have no experience with the mind and behaviours of an addict. My recovery was and is rooted in the 12 steps. Here in the US we have pockets of terrible poverty. It’s not all 90210 or Friends. There are neighbourhoods where even the police are reluctant to enter.

The first step in my recovery was to admit I had a problem. I then had to be willing to get humble and take the necessary actions to recovery. It is not easy. When the drug life became more painful and terrifying than what I was running away from was when I had one of my moments of clarity. The dope and booze just stopped working. I couldn’t get high and I couldn’t get sober.

It’s very difficult to face the fact that your way just doesn’t work. Getting sober is like getting divorced. The marriage is over two years before the split. Most people squeeze every ounce of misery they can out of the last two years.

As far as the poverty, except for the very few, most of the addicts I have met were nearly destitute when they got clean. Many went broke after they got sober. Poverty is a terrible thing. I grew up with it. It was not the cause of my addiction nor did it stop me from getting sober.

What was the most challenging part of recovery?

The most challenging part of my recovery would be my bouts with depression. They are far less frequent. But they hit me hard. During those times, I go to more 12-step meetings and try not to isolate. I also work out a bit more.

And the most rewarding?

Peace of mind is the most rewarding gift of sobriety. That, and an open heart.

Any words of wisdom for someone needing to go into recovery?

Sobriety is possible. If I can do it, so can you. DM

* The Cape Town Recovery Film Festival kicks off at the Labia Theatre on Orange on 25 September. Daily Maverick is the festival’s media partner.

Photo: Poster for ‘May I BE Frank’ x 3

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