A read a day keeps the ignorance at bay
30 July 2016 01:37 (South Africa)
Sport

Onside/Offside

  • Ant Sims
    ant sims
    Ant Sims

    Ant thinks of the world and the people who live in it as a bear with a sore paw. She has a stick, covered in thorns and she’s poking the bear. When she’s not doing that, she’s watching cricket and longing for the days of the boring, boring Arsenal.

  • Sport
Ant Offside

This week’s onside/offside somehow ended up being just about cricket. It’s not like we’re biased or anything. And Kevin Pietersen’s made the wrong side of the list - again? ANT SIMS definitely doesn’t have issues with letting go.

Onside

West Indies Cricket Board, or the selectors at least

It’s not often that West Indies cricket does anything sensible but, by some miracle, they have called up Sunil Narine in place of the injured Kemar Roach. Narine just finished plying his trade in the IPL, where he bamboozled batsmen and finished as the second highest wicket taker in the tournament. The man who boasts a bedazzled bat, Tino Best, will most likely still place ahead of Roach, but chances are good that Shane Shillingford will drop out and Narine will come in. Unless, of course, the WICB is just yanking everybody’s chain again. Narine hasn’t played a Test for West Indies, but his First Class record is quite impressive. He's played just six first-class matches, but his economy rate is an impressive 2.2. He's got 34 wickets and one five-wicket haul to his name with best-match figures of 13 wickets for 39 runs. Obviously playing Test cricket against England, in England, is a whole different kettle of fish and, even if he ends up wicketless, at least we could all say we were excited about something in West Indies cricket for a change.

A Bowler called Chuck Norris

Well, obviously his name isn’t really Chuck Norris. It’s Chris Morris, but because of his exquisite performances is the domestic T20 competition, he earned himself the nickname of Chuck Norris. Don’t snort, nobody said cricket commentators or cricket scribes were any good at coming up with nicknames. Morris earned himself a call-up to the Proteas Twenty20 squad to take on Bangladesh in Zimbabwe next month.  He’s one heck of an exciting prospect, he hits the deck hard and isn’t too bad with the bat lower down the order. With Morne Morkel and Dale Steyn both being rested for the series, Morris has a very good chance of being handed a cap. And with a T20 World Cup around the corner, the Highveld Lions player will most certainly give his all to make a name for himself and earn a place in the squad to travel to Sri Lanka in September.

Offside

Canberra United, Australia

Ellyse Perry is one seriously talented woman. A dual football and cricket international, she was also the first woman to play the 108-year-old Men's Sydney Grade competition. Did we mention she is tall, blonde and absolutely beautiful? Perry was given an ultimatum by her football (or soccer, if you wish) club this week. They told her to either commit fully to Canberra United or quit and focus on cricket only. Perry has been juggling the two for the past five years. The soccer club was having none of it and Perry told them, in not so many words, to shove it and quit. As you might have guessed, Perry is now in search of a new soccer club, one who’ll be happy for her to carry on playing both sports. Good on ya, Ellyse. And just in case anybody wants to shout about sexual discrimination, the soccer club is run by women.

The English Cricket team

No man is an island, but Kevin Pietersen comes damn close. KP announced his retirement from  limited-overs internationals on Thursday, or, should we say, he was retired by the English Cricket Board. There was no flashy Tweet announcement by the usually outspoken player, simply a statement from the ECB saying KP’s time in his England pyjamas is over. KP wanted to simply retire from the one-day format, but his central contract stipulates that he cannot do so. As a result, England’s chance of defending their World T20 throne during the World Cup in September just crash-landed like a test missile from one of those reclusive Asian nations. KP will no doubt still carry on entertaining us by playing in the English domestic T20 and the Indian Premier League, but for all intents and purposes, he’s done with the international short stuff and by that we don’t mean balls bowled by Morne Morkel and Dale Steyn. Farewell, KP, the international cricketing stage will miss you, you magnificent bastard.

Photo: West Indies captain Darren Sammy and footballer/cricketer Ellyse Perry. (REUTERS)

  • Ant Sims
    ant sims
    Ant Sims

    Ant thinks of the world and the people who live in it as a bear with a sore paw. She has a stick, covered in thorns and she’s poking the bear. When she’s not doing that, she’s watching cricket and longing for the days of the boring, boring Arsenal.

  • Sport

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